Disclaimer: in case this causes misunderstandings, this was for a particularly cherished secondary school friend I have, sadly, regrettedly and inevitably, come to lose


Well I suppose as time passes, frequencies change. There are those that you'll understand, then there are those that don't.

Instead of trying to be sentimental, I don't think I want to waste my breath anymore. What's the use of being frustrated? Irritated? Angry? What's the point of convincing?

Haha. It comes to a point when I don't want to try and undo this knot. I'll move on, and maybe one day in time to come we'll both look back, laugh and move on. Or maybe we'll be stuck here. I don't know, and not that I don't care, but what happens, will happen.

From now I'm taking a step back into a passive role.

Instead of taking the forward step of reconciliation as again I've decided not to try anymore. I'm tired, and frankly there are more things for me to invest my emotions and thoughts on then to calm your temper. It sounds terrible, and you can quote it as again as you like without giving the full context, or skew things so you're the only victim, I'm not going to bother finding out anymore.

I've refrained from lashing out an entry in the peak of my emotions, refrained from merely magnifying my hurt into something everyone else can view, sympathize and provide some avenue of comfort, but I'm disappointed to see otherwise from you.

Oh well. I'm not even angry anymore, just vaguely indifferent. I think I've weighed this against my circumstances and realized its not worth it, so I'm dropping it.


So there, my message to you.
To tell you I'm not going to do anything, and whether you want to in your own time and way, its your call.

And, as much as I regret things have reached such a stage, its not like we couldn't live without each other in the first place.

For too long, I've been chasing a formless dream, a wisp of a fantasy.

I need to wake up now

a long time ago, when I was still painting rainbows on glass windows, long before the sun came shining in, I stood infront of plains as beautiful as in the autumn magic

before the rays came shining through, before the warmth dried and cracked my colours on the window pane... before mesmerized I froze in blinded, paralysed joy

before I forsoke rainbows and velvet colours to yearn for summer breezes

before droughts, before rain, before shaking leaves off my hair, before wishing these strands were golden instead of a deep red

before regret whispers into my ears, leaves scratches down my back

before I lost my own version of my rainbow, before I am shackled to yours




Michelle, Beatles


Michelle, ma belle.
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle.

#Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont
très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.
(Michelle, my beautiful girl,
these are words that go together well)

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That's all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand.

#

I need to, I need to, I need to.
I need to make you see,
Oh, what you mean to me.
Until I do I'm hoping you will
Know what I mean.

I love you.

I want you, I want you, I want you.
I think you know by now
I'll get to you somehow.
Until I do I'm telling you so
You'll understand.
#

I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand, my Michelle.

I've refrained from blogging too much nowadays

Things that have been happening seem too overwhelming to be put to words... too confusing, always morphing, undefinite, I can't pinpoint the exact heart of the huge swirl of everything.

Sometimes I feel insane, I feel rash, really stupid, really dumb, and perhaps the last of all, uncontrollable. Like constantly being in an uncontrollable frenzy, spinning too fast too much spinning up a self destructive whirlwind, turning once-beautiful golden, sparkling sand into an onslaught of splinters to my eyes.

I don't understand why it's so suffocating this time round, I've never felt so not in control of my emotions before, my dear Lord, please help me





Muse - Time is Running Out
I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
You will be the death of me

#Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me
#

You will suck the life out of me
#
How did it come to this?
Oh



We live in different worlds, I should have just left it as that.