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Cookie Monster

tsesin
Name: shirley!
Age: SEVENTEEN, sweetly
Here: zhpp, nygh, njc

Who: God's Beloved

potatopeels_shirley@hotmail.com

let sing along




elmos & bigbirds

aletheia
baocheng
devon
eunice goh
jiayi
jolyn
jonathan lee
joy
junwen
justina
magdelene
mingyi
natelie
pamelia
rach
shiru
shujun
stephanie
sujah
trixie,theresa
victor
xueen
xueying
yiting
yvonne
zephy


EGO Club
Spore design fest!
SAM
word a day
freedictionary.com


bedtime now

cookie-d x May 2005
cookie-d x June 2005
cookie-d x July 2005
cookie-d x August 2005
cookie-d x September 2005
cookie-d x October 2005
cookie-d x November 2005
cookie-d x December 2005
cookie-d x January 2006
cookie-d x February 2006
cookie-d x March 2006
cookie-d x April 2006
cookie-d x May 2006
cookie-d x June 2006
cookie-d x July 2006
cookie-d x August 2006
cookie-d x September 2006
cookie-d x October 2006
cookie-d x November 2006
cookie-d x December 2006
cookie-d x January 2007
cookie-d x February 2007
cookie-d x March 2007
cookie-d x April 2007
cookie-d x May 2007
cookie-d x December 2007
cookie-d x January 2008
cookie-d x February 2008
cookie-d x April 2008
cookie-d x May 2008
cookie-d x June 2008
cookie-d x July 2008
cookie-d x August 2008
cookie-d x September 2008
cookie-d x October 2008
cookie-d x November 2008
cookie-d x December 2008


credits

x x x x x x x
Sunday, October 30, 2005

everything's sounding so hollow..im surprised there isnt an echo.

hurts the ears.

--

hmm ysd went to see the doctor.and he gav me pills for my hip.weird.

and ysd i thought it wasnt hurting as bad as before,but then the doctor pressed the bones so hard and asked me to stretched this muscle and that muscle over and over again...

and today its hurting back again.with evey step.just like before.that doctor.


missed dancing.and just now i tried and my hip hurts again.

or oh i forgot i wasnt supposed to be doing any execise till wed at least.and while it hurts,never too.whatever.

but ha i cant just whatever away everything.last thurs after ninjado warming up whoa the pain was crazy la..haha.

and pressing it doesnt help ive found out so i shall refrain from that.since the pain comes from inside the bone.


sigh,,its these little things that sorta make life more interesting now.


hey.im gonna try and achieve something this holiday.not to waste it away again.yes.gotta have more discipline.

--

i had no idea i was so messed up.and maybe im not.

there are many out there stuck in a situation so much more worst then mine,so they should be the ones getting help.


somehow i feel unworthy.hmm..
is it a lie?

spoke at : 7:21 PM
Friday, October 28, 2005

someone enlighten me and tell me what's so nice about a CRUMPLER.ohmygoodness why does everyone seem to want a crumpler????!!!

anyway.

thinking of going to the doctor today,but i shal officially annouce the my dear PRINCE OF TENNIS is much more important.

think im going nuts.im seeing the word tennis everywhere..


today's the last day of school...its going to be the last day im gonna be in the same class with this spastic group of 201 people..not to mention attitudal too *sniffs*


there will be none as unique as us.non so many teachers detest yet some that love so much (*cough)

the last day..ended so;uneventfully.
watched wangzibianqingwa until we had to go home..and then went home with mindy.it feels so..normal.


good thing there's still choral night.maybe that's why i dun really feel so sad or anything..its like any normal friday.haha..nevermind i'll wait till during choral night to feel sad or anything.


ohman know what i should stop this habit of doing everything last minute.

but leanne and grace are going to vjc..gosh i'll never see them again next year.choked..

esp leanne..dance bonds people strongly together ok.and she was almost always my partner and my no.1 lifter.we almost have this thing between us.this unspeakable thing while dancing.overcame our differences and now we're like chopsticks during dance.(different lenghts though.have to work on that one.)

and grace.its hard to forget the 2nd person i talked to when i settled into the 1st seat of my 1st class in my 1st secondary school.lol i still remembered how she said i was really talkative cos i was yaking away so it'll be less awkuard.AND we have similar interests!!!-fantasy books and manga books and SERIES.she's got them all:)

freak im so going to miss them.but i told leanne to visit me 1st whenever she comes back to ny(:



next year...cant believe im gonna be SEC 3.gdness sounds so old.and most probably there won't be anyone from 201 this yr that will be in my class next year cos i chose the olevel track.. and believe me i think almost everyone's results are enough to get into ip la.

ohwell.its a path i chose.not gonna start mourning and declare that i regret it.which i don't,by the way.




this is the last existing day of 201'05.a

and its already over.

spoke at : 5:20 PM
Thursday, October 27, 2005

wondering if i should go extra lesson today.


right hip hurts quite bad today.hope the limping's not obvious..if not how to dance on sat??

and there's always the danger of getting down at the wrong stop again.cos i was looking out for the "keep jurong clean"(ot sth liddat) banner.and later i realised that most of the bus stops had that banner.
ohman so shang nao jin-ish.


AND dear zijing finally brought the remaining episodes of PRINCE OF TENNIS.60-148 leh! can last me till morning can.echizen ryoma///


today chi rehersal was quite sucky.at least i was.aiya whatever la.they're changing the whole script.

im really getting fat can.ohmannn..geez.stress bah? :D hey im a stressed person k.maybe that's why i seem to grow in the wrong direction.like horizontally instead of vertically.


why's my tongue itching like when ure nervous..but there's nothing to be NERVOUS about.justina says maybe its cos of heatiness.


ha today justina pei wo do library service(: quite fun actu..cos justina's there to liven things up.if not i think i'll die.


feeling so whatevered.tomorrow going to cut my hair..and maybe i'l end up like a bombarded freak(:sounds like a nice notion.miss XXXXX einstein.


song's so dead.

weather's so cold today.

spoke at : 6:12 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005

days are harder and harder to get through nowadays

what is everyone's problem.
what is MY problem.

there's so many things all together..things accumulated,things so trival but mean so much.so much.

so much dislike,quarreling,pride,rejection,hurt,irritance everyday.the day drags on and on and on..


so much i want to tell..but,who is there to tell? ha.


so cold nowadays.everywhere..even at night there is no...warmth?there is only that temporary bath/ but even after that everything turns so cold again.

its such a cold day.


and my right hip hurts more and more everyday.hope it doesn't worsen tomorrow.

hmm.off to eat my korean maggie noodles.they're not very spicy but enough to make my eyes water.thats enough for me.
at least its hot(:


hmm..when even miracle songs don't seem to work anymore

spoke at : 11:54 PM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005

today i am one of the walking dead.

but i refuse to be stuck at home.

wanna go bugis now.alone.and obviously im not allowed.




oh sigh what am i gonna do/

spoke at : 8:03 PM
Monday, October 24, 2005

man im so tired..dizzy dizzy just nw.
den drama suddenly so enthu!(shld be the burst of energy just before death or sth)
n after that in the bus i almost fainted or sth la.stood ALL the way.which is only about 15mins :D

ahh today finally watched Battle Royale..very nice:) quite sad and rather..mobid.but alas.THE PLOT IS NICE.movie is so-so ba.


abt a grp of high school pupils sent by law onto this island..and they have to kill each other till only one survives.if there is still no one survivor after 3days everyone will be killed; by the explosion of that permernant metallic band around their necks.


sad..esp the part when the girl killed the guy who was trying to look for her to protect her..cos she DIDNT KNOW!!! oh my goodness...it was so sad can..and then she really really regretted.sigh~


anw.change topic this is making me depressed.--


WAAAAAA ysd i watched PRINCE OF TENNIS from after abt 2pm to 1+am non-stop. *SCREAMS*

ECHIZEN RYOMA IS SO COOL.he's only 150sth cm leh!quite near mine!!!
lol..


too bad he's only a cartoon character..oh WHY..lol
ok i think im nuts.but anw aiya maybe he's a little too dao le.and overdriven.whatever.he's still cute:D

nice eyes:) hee...



oh Echizen..he's one cute talented jap dude yes:)


gna go contd with my beloved prince of tennis le!#

spoke at : 6:16 PM
Sunday, October 23, 2005

justina has the most interesting of aspirations.

1st to be a housewife
then now to elope with someone and be a farmer for the rest of her days#

pretty exciting at first i presume,but i really can't imagine life after that.or u can say i can and i really feel like dying already.i think i'll die prematurely (say about 20 to 25/) of boredom should i ever be stuck in that situation.


my job next time better be something so not boring and not ROUTINE.that is one freaking word i cannot stand.


for now,im aspiring to be a designer when i grow up.grahics or ads.make a mark on people's memories.make them REMEMBER.

u so have to think out of the dumb routine box.and be bold.get out there and sizzle everyone with your ideas.


when i see an ad that is so creatively dazzling i know i'll remember; i salut to the designer.because its final course has been fulfilled.and it takes a damn lot of creativity to do that,mind you.

its so not easy ok.
99% of the time we forget abt the normal ad we see on buses or walkways in about..15mins? or 5 for goodness sake.

or we rmb its message but forget the place or company its advertising for.

and the thing with advertising is that every project is different and demands creativity.all equally challenging.with some more.

one day i want to make it big and become famous in the designer world for being unique;different.and BOLD.like..


Neil French.
creative head for the world's second largest advertising group.he quit,and appeared today in the sunday times.reason being? for saying women are crap.

i don't agree to him, but point is he has led groups to make ads that are memorable-by being bold, arrogant and challenging.one look at the examples of the ads he produced and u remember them.


and anyway its not totally unreasonable-his message put across in his ads and what he said.its understandable from his point of view.

go read;-pg 12 of the sunday times main paper.

sure,some (or most) of them ended up outraging many.but point is,they're memorable.one-liners you wouldnt cease to forget.


advertising is hot.(vocabulary most probably influenced by justina.)and so on fire.for me.


its design for me next time.commercialized.

spoke at : 2:16 PM
Saturday, October 22, 2005

when things are harder than what you expected?

+

never failed to get a kick out of the starting of the song "i want to know You more" by sonicflood:) and the chorus so nice just sweeps you off your feet.(or chair in this case-haha)ok nvm -_-"

always the song i listen to when im feeling extremely blue..and it works like a miracle song:)



happy birthday; and ure one year older..finally/haha.
or not really...
you'll always be only 5 months+ older only..haha
but anw,crap aside,happy birthday all the same.



haha...anw (song's playing now!*cheers)-im not trying to say im sad ok.i do listen to it when im happy too-

oh gee every living muscle is now aching like there's no tomorrow. ESP my arm.and the back of my leg.so tired feels like im 3/4 dead too.


dance was so extrememly tiring goodness.everyone was like panting so hard after just one try.(and we havent learnt the dance for the WHOLE song yet)

im not like,that good in dance! *complains
haha yea true in cca..hmm..guess the most important thing is to enjoy the dance.AND to try my best.

yupp(:


lip's still painfully swollen.crap.

+


so what do you do?

spoke at : 2:30 PM
Friday, October 21, 2005

freak im aching all over..probably from dance and ninjado yesterday.
and this morning my right hand was trembling as i held the spoon..ha

ohman yesterday i got down at the wrong stop can and ended up at jurong green rather than jurong spring.nvm at least i got there before the lesson ended.not bad liao.


sigh im so short.like good thing im in dance so i dun hunch (most of the time) or i'll most probably not be seen.n everyone will be like "ohdear where is shirley???" .but nevermind, my only condolescence(spelling?) is mindy dear.ha:)


freak ar that jason sir ar..says i look like im dancing.ok its sorta like a good thing i guess.but thing is I CANT HELP IT LA.so too bad.its so weird how people can be so stiffly nice when they do this ninjado routine thingy.and i just cant.diao

oh anw.takedowns are fun!yayan is crap la..lol,and she's taller than me can~ forget it im used to it anw.hmpf.


wah my dad was nice and came to fetch me home.then what the la on the way home there was this radio talk about how to reduce wrinkles or something like that, and he turned it louder.

like i have never heard my mom talk about her face before, and he's like,vain can..haha.so sissy-ish.but nvm-society's becoming lidat anw.


maybe oneday the world will only be made up of girls:) haha stupid la but :D *wonders how it would be like*


MY BACK ACHES A LOT.aiya...my neck,my knees,my arms,my stomach also aches a lot alot can.ha...so crap\ leanne also complaining to me now..dance is dangerous.ha.but the price for ...i dunno? for the beauty of dance? worth it:)

this entry is kinda longwinded.(like the other entries?:D) cos its at the class computer one,the stupid one that is extremely slow and u type two lines it comes out all at one go in about every 7secs.

my patience is almost running out.



want my hp back!
and shujun zijing mindy getting irritated lending me their hp le.

waa just nw i put my sim card in shujun's hp and there was like 6msgs~ohwell i havent touched it for 2days already.


im getting irritated.shall not foul my reasonably good mood.


i feel like going solitary today.so weird:)

spoke at : 10:45 AM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005

ok.


God made me realise; no use escaping the problem..it'll come back and haunt you.
have to face it up.get over it..with God's strength.


so,
yes i admit i'm grieving at the matter,but no,no more escaping with all the flurry and the not thinking about it.got to face up to it.

and let God mend the tear,let Him fill the hole,-with His peace,and joy:)


with God, i will thoroughly get over it.


#ha i don't even want to THINK about a life where i don't know God..how would i survive?


~>

today was so packed:)
after school at 2,after getting back sci and aep papers, there's ch drama rehersal from 4.30 to 5.30 (which is dumb having it so late btw)

so went to west mall with justina! for a-lunching after school..then we went around to get earrings and rings:D den rushed back to school! (where we were kinda late for 10 mins.-only-)

REHERSAL!-till 5 something 6 clock.reached home 6.30 where had dinner and watched prince of tennis (!!!) till 7.15 den rushed to ninjado:)


yay~
crazy la we moved to the really dirty open air 4th floor area which was like covered with a layer of special CHARCOAL dust where everyone turned BLACK.den washed up and went a-moving to 1st floor.
(FORTUNATELY)


i,such a not-clean freak as a lot of you know,am thoroughly disgusted ok.
anw.

have a partner! tee/thee/te hung-basically a 12yr old that looks like a P4.i say that because:
1.its kinda true:D
2.he said i didnt even look at least 12 ok.


aiya at least he's young enough to go siao with me (like mindy-hor mindy>) when i become siao:)

we were doing variations of "whatever~" (with style kays) in the middle of practising takedowns.haha..

he attempted a bodywave,which i proudly say (i think) i did better:D ha..


hmm thinking of whether i should go extra lesson tml after dance..ok yes i think i will.if im not too tired.hope i dun get there late.n my DINNER arh.nvm can have my fav. choco donut:) tml's exception...from myself to myself-


a lot typed today.life is smooth,except for some hiccups, i guess:)



got to go do quiet time and sleep; a sound,sound sleep:)

spoke at : 11:46 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

jin tian de da ji tai duo le


history.
horrible- failed it through and through. even after moderation given to help cushion our whole cohort's fall. still failed.


im such a failure.nothing right.nothing right at all.

with my head on my arms,staring at the white walls of the auditorium, one ear blocked,sounds muffled...so much like a dream.


how i wish it was only a dream.something i would be able to wake up to, and pretended never happened.something that didnt exist.


but,done's done.
i won't be able to wake up, because i was never asleep in the first place. :)



going to keep myself in the heart of the flurry of activities.cannot allow time for myself to stare vacantly into space and rot.cannot allow time to think..rubbish? close.


tomorrow.straight out after school with jolyn!, and rush back for ninjado at night.yes.n fall dead tired to sleep tml night:) dead tired:)


going to go out often,go places i want to go, get things i want to get.if im stuck at home,i can swim,play the piano,read a book,pack my rm,or self learn some other language in the world.n there's art.


cleaning up my life.give an end to everything that's hasnt got one.solve problems,not wallow in them.loose ends aren't tied,they're cut,clean with no loose bits.


not stopping to think.i think too much anyway:) except maybe on the bus.bus journeys though,they have an end


cannot sit and do nothing,cannot have time to think.today is not my entire life.i won't die.today will be a part of my life that will fade and be forgotten.yes.

using today and only today to make the cut.the rest will fade.



from tomorrow onwards.i know none of such a thing.


nothing is my entire life.only God.and only under God will i find solace.

=

mindy rmb to bring that bk tml!

and the blue polish.
will wash myself in blue.and attempt red.
purple..hmm...



/something interesting i found.in no mood to look deeper into it though.

“They solaced their wretchedness, however, by duets after supper” (Jane Austen).


everything's ok really. :)

spoke at : 7:04 PM
Monday, October 17, 2005

not talking about my results.tomorrow.maybe.

although everyone's like "but you opted for olevels what so you dun have to be sad"- but.nvm.

there's such a sinking feeling tagged to it...don't want to think about it.not for now/




life. is..
generally good, i realised, if i

1.do what my mom tells me to do.like play the piano
2.make an effort not to go against my mom


my brother says "nutta de coco" in a most cute manner:)

and i just realised my dad came from a boy's school- st. xavier's branch school

ha like no wonder:D


he was banging away at the cupboards, now he's attempting to fix an old vacuumn cleaner and the whole kitchen stinks of engine gas


my mom's blending some fruit drink in the kitchen,its making such a small noise i can hear it from the room at the other end of the hse


my brother's trying to make a parachute for his heavy lago man person using this pathetically thin plastic bag.not working:)




everything's quite nice..so simply happy :)


and it makes you think;
so what is really happiness?



ha//

spoke at : 11:28 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005

dreading tomorrow...
yesterday was beautiful

does He not understand?


i want to know You
i want to hear Your voice
i want to know You more
i want to touch You
i want to see Your face
i want to know You more..




and today?ha.

ive decided not to waste my holidays.im going to concentrate on completing 2major topics.(not school stuff ok im not that crazy.yet.)

holidays:cant waste it away again.

~


however much you change,you'll always be the same,to me-i guess
but you won't know.
maybe not ever.

what is friendship? acceptance no matter what;
and why is it always the hardest when you know there will never be the chance again

when..you finally find out how deep everything goes,just by trying to imagine its absence. the year is ending.

i find out about things too late.


wrote a letter to someone yesterday; took about an hr and more

someone worth the time? things ive been wanting to say but never found the chance, now that the year is ending nothing can wait anymore.


so thus you someone,prepare to get it on monday-



in the stillness You are there

spoke at : 2:07 PM
Friday, October 14, 2005

today today today.

at chinese drama: something i wish not to comment about.no hard feelings in the end..not angry at anyone really- have to respect e majority's decision, we all have our own reasons i guess, and reasons not unnreasonable.


at least i know i did try, hmm that's important or i'll really regret not speaking up-

really dun want to start bitching. refraining, refraining.not bad its actually working,i don't flare up and can sorta accept people's views i guess.


things started to get wild after a while- everyone started to get agitated,defensive,a little unreasonable at times.everyone went crazy la. ohwell guess we just have to concentrate on chinese now that the air is cleared. not really..but ah you get my point.


but im guilt stricken abt maoliangliang..he looked...so sad.and still said he didnt mind and everything..goodness.. after that when i said sorry to him he was like oh its ok its ok..

and when i said he looked very sad he was like no la act one..and its like..'ohman


feeling so guilty..
like affected oso dun want to show and make us feel bad.
freak.


ah im sure blogs will be flaring, and i seriously dun want to read any of them. cos bet they'll all be angry comments i suppose, and reading them will make you angrier.no point la.

im passed that and i want to stay like that, thank you very much.


==================


today today today.

didnt bore myself at home and rot.went with mindy to bugis, then to jurong east.didnt chose the latter.

mindy's a nice person to talk to.she listens la,and we're in many ways similar-she understands! haha- i was talking talking talking to her..and realised a lot of stuff we (the general public) do are dumb.


like.
when we try so hard to show otherwise- when it could be just.,oh nvm.could be.

irony..ha

or..actors?life is just like one big play.one grand big play that starts from the moment we receive our conscience till the moment we die. oh beautiful.

%

went2 bugis and got crazy and got blue n.polish with mindy.

blue..sympolises many a things.
for now, blue is my palette. (must have got crazy studying aep)


and we went jurong lib to borrow bks.not my choice.

there i painted blue.
n.polish.


and as i stare at the flashing blue fingers as i type...
they say the eyes reflect everything.


*

ok mindy?

spoke at : 7:08 PM
Thursday, October 13, 2005

today i never totally rot at home lehs..only in the afternoon *beams

EXERCISED..haha zijing gt go swim in the end or not?

hmm green belt is fun....much much nicer than orange n white la. like dance routine lidat(: stick very smooth too!(cept the furry ends) wonder if i can draw on it

sir like not very happy i never go class so long le..ha NVM. exams are important cos my results ar cannot make it.ask justina.or anyone-dun think it matters

ha im kinda gan dong justina was like worried whether can reach home safely or not..wa 1st time someone outside my bloodline so worried leh.. :)

ohman shou so shuan..cant lift it up properly now. great nxt time my right hand muscles gna be more developed than the left hand one..so...UNBALANCED can. how to lift le?

ha, enough said.

~


good thing dance resumes on sat la..i tell you im getting fat without dance can.and i miss dance! *cries
haha..wasey must go rackrackrack my brains n try to rmb all the steps le..(AND green belt steps)


lets see...life is generally good nowadays; just that nothing to do at home la.almost wish i cld go back to skl.i have no life.


oh WHY im i typing such a long entry. *wonders


must go amandee's "Play"! sey i must really salut to her-SHE'S A GENIUS LA lol...maybe we shld print it out and pin it on the class notice board:) im sure the teachers will find it extremely creative:)


yay~im happy; when its the day time(: dreams not nice already

and dreams are supposed to be nice lah.they show ur subconcious thinking..or so ive heard..interesting rite?
ok fine dun start rolling ur eyes


aiya tday de entry so singlish-y.but nvm once in a while ok la..cannot kp at it for too long if not later write compo shi have to kp cancelling and editing liao.
just like the beginning of this yr can

ohwell *wonders at lit result on mon.
hope its a little good..as for chinese and maths arh,dun tell me abt it.

i have totally given up.just hope i dun fail my maths can.

ha cannot think abt results-

oh n mindy typed sucha long entry leh! *gasps in shock and dies

waa...crappycrappy..
-

hmm..not like its the 1st anyway..haha


chill bah

spoke at : 11:59 PM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005

something is stirring..something inside me im afraid of

after so long?
cannot be..must not be.


maybe im just paranoiding..hmm shant think abt it.oh and pray about it yes haha.

there's still a last paper tml..lots of prep work to do i shldnt even be online but.well.


realised yixiao's and lishian's blogs are all hiatus-ing. that, u see, is the difference between the pro ppl and the me.


next yr must start hiatus-ing during exams too!..ha...if i gather enough will to do that..

aiya im gna go off at 12.mustmust.

have to go rush prep wrk.sigh.

spoke at : 11:38 AM
Sunday, October 09, 2005

ahhh justina i hate your blog...

:D ha no la not because the stuff you write or what la..not ur fault actually..its just me.ha:)nvm im so brainless.

stuff i do are just dumb dumb dumb.

vow never ever to repeat the same mistake again. never ever ever.-

enough said.
#

christian songs are comforting though-they js have a different feel..totally different..haha

its like when everything feels very sour and bitter and the song just numbs it away..brings it away.

and obviously you feel much better(duh)..cos God takes away our pain:)


praise the Lord.


*

freak la...today was supposed to be the last day of our exams!! -but its not T_T

its bad enough when you see other people hand up their science paper and shine with relief that exams are over and you know you can't do that.
but its horrible when you think abt your two more papers; two more days of exams when people are out there jamming the world to nuts.

and ure stuck at home looking at fauvism with fauve=wild beast yay.


sumore the two more papers are not subjects where you can sorta slack off and still kinda get through it somehow..lke history and lit...and you still have THREE more pieces of A3 PAPER to fill with RESEARCH DRAWING and CONCEPT DEVELOPMENT.(whoever was the 1st who thought about this kinda thing anyway...?)

T_T anw its times like this when i wish i never joined aep in the 1st place..but im ok with it the rest of the time :) its kinda nice..


ok POINT IS.
our exams should be way before our eoys what...i won't mind like 2mths before or sth..its so depressing when ppl can be enjoying themselves and ure stuck at home studying art history and doing prep work.

esp prep work,..that ure under pressure to do really nicely cos it counts in the marks. ohman i feel like not caring and flunking it. but then again i don't/

dramatically*
[im torn between the love of art and...(laziness?)


ok forget it nvm


im js contradicting and contradicting myself throughout this long long crappy thing that im typing out of lonliness.SIGH.

haha..im complaining alot. not like im the only one la..BUDDEN HOR. still. this is really torture.


ohboy nvm.if i don't start now i don't have to sleep tonight.again.like last night.


bye world..*sniffs*(can u believe it my world is reduced to this old piece of metal infront of me)sigh.


-im off to drown in some eccentric 19th century art movement


//ha maybe i'll even dream abt it tonight...surrealism eh?

spoke at : 3:27 PM
Saturday, October 08, 2005

shant talk much but;

praise the Lord,
i finally let go what was hurting me a lot~ in exchange for His peace..
yay! lol..

He picked me up and turned my world ard


yo mindy dear (vomits..haha) come for the camp k! justi ar u oso!

gta take that step of faith:) and God will work miracles
#and not let the past affect yr advance -gta rmb that!!


guess i just have to have faith in God and surrender everything into His hands..

and believe He is there;

just now was looking ard for the camp registration paper, and i realised it was the same...

no matter how messed up it is, i will always have to believe God is there somewhere and never lose faith, even when it seems totally impossible...and i will find Him. because He was always there.


and i found the forms~
and it is a miracle by itself..considering my room.


and thoughts alone are not enough..have to take that first step out, and God will guide you along:)


hope u all come for the camp people:)
will be praying!


God is great]



-ohdear i need more discipline-

spoke at : 11:25 PM
Friday, October 07, 2005

screwed maths.ha don't even know if i can pass not.

and now im just wallowing in this, just like what i always do;
stuck in this neverending black whirlpool,that i created for myself.

a not very clever thing to do.


guess i have to expect it..didnt work very hard...and i knew very well i wasnt superb in maths.ohwell.

gta concentrate on sci on monday.got lots lots to study; and hope i dun flunk it as well.


hmm final ca2 results today, wasnt say very bad...but then, its not the ca2 that matters now doesnt it.

but the exam matters?
ha.not really~ there's more to life than the exams and the numbers that society tags on you.a result of humanity judging itself.


when everyone's so different but yet we create a basis of judging everyone's intellectual.


God is the only right one to judge us; and to Him everyone of us is special and unique, each of us wonderfully made in our own way..to Him we are all equal.


today on the top of the double decker bus while staring at the world shift past i noticed the list of ca2 marks i scribbled on my hand..and thought,

this list of numbers,62,71,72,68,78,55,74 is supposingly everything my brain is capable of. this list is the result of how much i am capable of thinking compared to others.


and its stupid;

when the vast diversity of our minds is reduced to a pile of numbers this same diversity made up

to put our own limits on this huge neverending imagination locked in our brains


and the six numbers on a small corner of my hand in faded blue ink is the measure of my mind


what rubbish.

spoke at : 2:39 PM