Current read (yes, in the middle of exams): Giuliani-Leadership

Rudolph W. Giuliani, mayor of New York City and the mayor that led the city through the process of recovery after the sept 11 attacks.

The book begins with his personal account, detailed down to every minute and every event on that unforgettable day. Through the eyes and thoughts of a real person present then- the immense horror of the incident finally hits upon my mind.

I'm not trying to be cliche, but seriously...perhaps I don't really register the incident as, something real. It had always felt distant, unreal, dreamily blurry at times, and yet only another incident outside of the possiblility of happening.

Sigh.
Well anyway though, the book wasn't supposed to be about that ya.

what does fear do to people? its frightening.
tragic, too

FORGET about that blog after exam thing okay. yea man, forget it. its not working anyway.

one paper down. think i screwed up my essays. but its over. man life's gotta move on. so it is.


12 more days.
i should do a countdown to the end of exams. like evelyn, just that she was doing countdown TO exams, 'cept that it's happening NOW.

its nuts, this exam thing.
actually its not all that bad, but i realise that im freaking out just thinking what would happen if i got horrific results.

im just scared i'll be so demoralised again? and i so cannot control things when it happens. i mean i don't get raving mad and all, but i just sink into this apathetic outlook on everything in this world, like its gonna end tomorrow and do you think i care kinda attitude.

its stupid, and it just shows how unresilient i am. but i can't control it, and it Sucks yeah. i'll just feel like this walking dead. and the best thing i can get to surprise at that stage is just a slight raise of the eyebrow.


SO. i don't want to get demoralised and be that wooden slab dragging myself wherever i feel like going (which is nowhere, actually), and leaving woodchips everywhere.


this is really bad. something's happening to me.
and i don't want to go back to how i was in the past again.

a sparkle in the mist

why must we always depend on things that will ultimately fail us in the end.

reading a person's blog i feel so much like hugging her and telling her everything's gonna be alright. i can't imagine the pain she feels.. its just so horrible. although...its stupid but i don't actually know her?


i don't know how to explain.. its just..unexplainable, it almost feels like you're feeling what that is driving her to do all the crazy stuff.

and the crazy stuff doesnt become so hard to accept, you don't get turned off her by them.


funnyfunny, in a totally unhumourous sense.
but yea, i really hope she's happy. hope she'll find God.


a sparkle in the mist. maybe i'll get to meet her..?


[add] till 12th oct then, when exams end - and start tomorrow [/add]

ok. ive said i wouldnt blog till exams are over, but its just disgusting, appalling, the content of some people's blogs.

they fill to the brim with sarcastic remarks of others, judging and downgrading others. i mean, its ok if you express your view, but where's that basic respect for another human being while you do so?

"urg. sickening."
would be my immediate reaction. what's the use even if the person's pretty, has -i admit- a beautiful grasp of the language, when all that shoots out of his/her mouth is ... nevermind.

And the extreme case goes to this site that posts PICTURES and just makes fun of them all the way. people they don't even KNOW, pictures of people they conviniently copied from somewhere.

right. im not trying to imply here that i am in any position to judge, or that im a little purewhite angel when it comes to this area.

but no one has to downgrade someone else just to make a point. to me, its just pure absurdness and horrid-ness.

can't people be more sensitive. or creative, even (to find other ways to bring across their point successfully without downgrading on others and THEMSELVES).


okay/ i hate critizising others, but i do feel strongly on this- after reading some really terribly hurting sites (pointing at others).
and i do acknowlege, its hard to accept these people should i know who they are (i don't, fortunately). but i guess everyone has a lifetime of reasons behind them that should first be understood.

ok. reasons dont justify their actions. they make it easier to accept them, though. especially without resentment, which shows.

sigh, no one really feels true joy in trampling on another, afterall. we werent made to destroy one another.


*

haha. ok. must not dwell on these kinda stuff. (:
i should really smack myself if i ever do come online again. haha, ok penalty extended till friday then.

(which marks the start of exams, and if i should, still, be seen murking around here someone ought to knock my brains off)


or give me more brains, that'll be more constructive.

i feel like a sponge, in relation with water. wish i could say that too, in my revision -_-

im drinking so much fluid i think im gonna turn aqueous soon. can't be helped though, im trying to wash away my sore throat and potential flu. its helping (:

water is magic, baby. hahaha. sleep, too.


HAVE TO GET FOCUSED. im wasting time here (again) when i should be studying. must do it n try my best! good for the elearning days when we can stay and home and mug-rot our brains off.

ok, im promising myself i won't go online again at home till.....thurs! so smack me if you see me on msn.

yesterday was really cool, in the last lesson (MATHS somemore) our class went mental and was shooting and running ard with a small neon orange and green water gun (the shooter was our class's dao-est girl rosaline somemore), singing, lame-talking and laughing. even our maths teacher was saying some really lame stuff as well -as always-. hahaha. i love my class man, everyone's so stupidly happy and crazy. HAHAHA

YEA. this week i was so TOUCHED ok. by jiayi and rosaline! hahaha i came to school on thursday morning groggy and on the board was SHIRLEY GO LOOK FOR YOUR YELLOW GIANT M&M

so i was like, WHAT! anyway, i realised my memory's really bad. but they were refering to my comment i made the day before about these yellow stone-marker things outside our classroom in a small field of grass (they look like M&Ms from bird's eye view and is bright yellow)

my casual comment was something like, (cause there is like 2 LONNG BRIGHT YELLOW rows of them, for some fire engine thing i think, A LOT of them, and they can be "lifted" off halfway)
"They look like giant m&ms man. it'll be damn cool if your secret admirer hid a note inside one of them and ask you to find la"

AND THE NEXT DAY they drew this stupidly sweet smiley face on it and put sand and grass for the hair on one of the M&M things for me la! hahahahaha omg they are so sweet ok!! lol i was SO touched when i saw it man.

AND GUESS WHAT! when i lifted it there was a note inside! hahahahaha. i was so..awe-struck touched la. the note goes,

SHIRLEY,
YOUR "BRIGHT" IDEA!
<3, SECRET ADMIRER

HAHAHAHAHA. I LOVE THEM MAN. *MUACKS

then i went to justina's class and DRAGGGGED her all the way (with her camera-phone) to the place and took a photo of the whole thing! (IM STILL WAITING FOR HER TO SEND THE PHOTO!) must upload here. hahaha. ohman i love them loads <3
:)

and XUEYING who sits beside me, gosh we are musically synchronised la. we ALWAYS sing together (during maths esp.)

and SHIRU (who sits behind us) and XUEYING always has STUPID stuff up their sleeves k (despite the lack of one in our uniform) what were they doing yesterday? oh. making me exasperated with their saliva-flying "p-p-p-p-privacy" and making up sentences with all the other stupid words that have saliva spewing vowels.

ARGH! hahaha. and while i was busy doing sth i suddenly felt water on hand, so i looked up startled AND WHAT THE FREAK XUEYING TOLD ME "sorry i was saying the p-p-p-p-privacy just now" so i thought it was saliva AND I WAS SO DISGUSTED i went mental and everyone was laughing.

THEN at the end of it the someone was like, oh you know its just the water gun. WALAO EH.
hahahahahaha


and there's cheryl and baocheng too to go crazy over superjunior or whoever, whatever's dance moves during recess and lunch :D and we would TRY to imitate them like some spastic sea cucumbers la. LOL.
they even went as far as to learn the korean alphabets??! lol and they learnt jap before! so they're teaching me!

i love my class man.^^
we totally look dao to others (i don't know why, people just say so-_-) with all the attitude looking people and trackers but WE'RE REALLY NICE AND KIDDISHLY STUPID IN CLASS LA. and there's no bitching or gossiping at ALL in 314. we just funnily accept everyone there with everyone's WEIRD habituals-its almost like the perfect class one could wish for :)


lol...seems highly inappropiate to type all these NOW of all times huh. HAHA OHWELL. i'll not be blogging again till after exams, 12th oct! and typing all these seriously makes me feel so genuinely happy, so yea(:

love 314 man, we're one of a kind :)
so darn thankful for them :)


okays, shall end with one of shiru's STUPID lines XD
one fine blue sunny day she calls me, i turn around and she's like, "Do you have a raisin? How about a date?"

WALAO. HAHA. her stupid pick up lines!

Finally.

my room is clean and is currently fit for living. far from the pesthole it has been of in the last few months, it has been throughly (well-not really..but it'll do) sanitised and now boosts a clean and safe environment for effective learning.


HA. ok i just had to do that.

FINALLYFINALLYFINALLYFINALLY i can live in my room again. its cleaned! and i freakingly obsessively stayed up till 2am last (technically) night to flush everything out. boy was it some dust torpedo.

but today it GLEAMS in the late afternoon glow.
i am content.


except for my eyes which are hurting a lot. and an increasingly nagging headache in the back of my skull.

haha did i mention i proceeded on to take a bath till 2.30 (my fingers were horrifyingly Black, not exaggerating). following which i pasted and glue fumes-poisoned myself doing my chinese portfolio till 3.35 before i finally plopped onto bed.


sec4s end their prelims today. lucky them.

okay. stuff to study today; in level of importance. (forgive me, but this is important)

-4topics maths (2hr)
-1topic chem (1/2 hr)
-1topic ss. (1/2 hr)
-0.5topic history (1/2 hr)
-lit: 2books 4chapts (3/4 hr)
-2topics physics (1/4 hr, unfinished do tml)


assuming (hopefully with inaccuracy) that my brain cells would not work beyond 11pm, if i start at 6, ive 4.5 hrs of mugging! ^^

wow. schedule's pretty tight. but its possible!


yayness
-as quoted from mindy (although extremely out of context)

#
haha. i am geniunely trying to be optimistic.
its helping, surprisingly.

education's hard work/ sigh. a gift nevertheless,haha.

ok. now i just gotta get focused, be diligent and mug my arse off. and be insanely optimistic.


I FOUND NEW LOVES.

1)table tennis-
hitting against a wall is highly theraputic when slightly bored or frustrated.

2)throwing a kicking target (because there's no one to hold it up for me-_-) and kicking it-
slams to the wall (if you manage to hit it right *and it is frustrating in itself) makes a lot of noise that echoes round the house

good thing i don't get angry THAT often. it hurts the feet after a while.

and i'll put on my jogging shoes and go run rounds downstairs when i get tired of studying. its set.




when exams fly away,
im promising myself root beer ice cold and a fat scoop of vanilla ice-cream.

absolutely, delightfully, sinful.

你
来自心中里的痕迹
存在每一秒中的杀气
留在脑海里的记忆

但
是风里吹来的歌秘

你
是遥远偏见的同伴
在森林里的隘路
夜晚留下的泪珠

常
飞向当小孩儿的舞伴

你
无知给了小希望
献了拥抱融化悲寒
灿烂的笑容点燃心暗

已
被割在我心上

你
是梦中的图案
现实中的远梦
微笑里的悲痛

又
伸手接不到，
而握住的　
遗憾。



怎么样？

第一次在课外自己写诗，我在这里type得快要疯掉了。速度就比蜗牛还慢吧。不比蜗牛好了，我看还比不上___________的速度。（空白的地方自己想吧，我的词汇不够丰富－想象力已到了末端）

阿ma　说些意见给我听听！


诗上的“你”其实任何人都不指，只觉得悲伤的诗可能会写得比较有趣(:
自己觉得诗会显得有些浮浅，但无论如何－都写出来了，不能有遗憾！哈哈..

嘿。
自己要开始提高华语程度了，如果这样下去我一辈子华文就是那么烂。

唉呀，不多说了。如果这样再慢慢type下去，午餐也就不用吃了。


＊阿ma　记得给我意见！

ok. this is from a quiz taken from joy's blog. take it Here if you've got nothing better to do.

my results are highly disturbing. to me, at least.

*
Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

*

AHHHHHHHHHHHH
the last sentence is TERRIBLE. it is so true that im drawn to artistic people; and the sentence just totally blasts at me like this last resounding gong, the most important warning- lest the most horrible of horrible fates befall you.

AAHHH!
(ok im being a bit silly here, haha) but i really like creative people more! >< darn it. haha i think there're more interesting?

><

on the other hand, i should take it with a pinch of salt. but its just freaky that some parts are true and you're thinking what if the !!IMPORTANT!! WARNING!! would be true as well.

hahahaha. ohdear i am going crazy.
ok you know what. i think i'll just leave it to God.

:)

i'm ready to nuts from all of this. but i cannot snap. i will not snap.

I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap I cannot snap


-breathes-

its so meaningless coming online nowadays huh. haha. and no one on earth is actually worth all this...effort.

finished painting the NOSE today, embarking on the lips/ must finish by tomorrow. had a very nice company of devon, whom i grew to know better:)

and i didnt know i seemed so...practical to others. nor so dao. hmm. hahaha actually mindy told me before, but i didnt really take it in its full implications. dao, not cold though, and quite nice (supposing her statement is reliable XD) -that's something to be thankful of :)

we were talking about our primary school days (haha. like not again arh) and listing out all the horrid things i did -which amounted to quite a lot for a little girl then- made me feel quite bad.

anyhow.
tomorrow we WILL finish the rest of our stupid paintings and go study together.


i am tired this week. am thankful though for my relatively stable mood :)

sigh. cant go for service this saturday due to some, cip thing we've to do for cca/ perhaps i'll go for sunday's.


oh great light of the world,
fill up my soul
im never meant here
so come make my whole

oh great light of the world
come to impart
light of your grace
fill up my heart

(second entry of the day, i think im going nuts)

to prove my point again, this is jamie's nickname:

tell him/her that you love him, go jump from the building if you’ve always wanted to, just with a rope.


jamie always has interesting nicknames :)

-ohya. and its irritating to find out the coincidentalness (is there such a word???) that when i type something not very nice about my pri school days, two primary school friends who read my blog once in a purplish-pink moon just nicely comes to read it-


HAHA. oh they say the moon's entirely made of Cheese. yumm ^^
no wonder the cow jumped so high just to eat it :) ONE DAY I WILL FLY TO THE MOON

yes; motivation in check, i shall start mugger engine mode tomorrow. :))

its sad when someone you sort of knew when he was alive died, you know. and its cute and quite sweet that people are putting tortises in the front of their msn nick in tribute to his death. (:

but by which devon has kindly and lovingly declared:

"he died areadi

commemorate also no use leh"

/note:(COMMEMORATE was kindly corrected, AND DEVON DEAR DO YOU KNOW HOW MA FAN THAT WAS TO SEARCH FOR THE CORRECT SPELLING OF THAT WORD)


anyhow. we had a nice talk. and this woman is funny i tell you. this is a long extract XD

s says:
(SMILEY NOT LOADING FAST ENOUGH)

*Qiaowei*says:
walau ur comp damn pathetic lah
so lag

s says:
ask my com la!

*Qiaowei*says:
ok

*Qiaowei*says:
hi shirley's computer

*Qiaowei*says:
i know u dont like her

*Qiaowei*says:
but

*Qiaowei*says:
pls

*Qiaowei*says:
for my sake

*Qiaowei*says:
i know u miss me alot

*Qiaowei*says:
and love me alot

*Qiaowei*says:
but hey

*Qiaowei*says:
gimme face k

*Qiaowei*says:
dont be so lag to shirley nxt time

*Qiaowei*says:
thanks arh

*Qiaowei*says:
i will appreciate ur help

*Qiaowei*says:
signing off,

*Qiaowei*says:
shirley's computer's lover

(and i was just staring at the screen and dying at my seat, TOTALLY DUMBFOUNDED)

*Qiaowei*says:
OK I DID TT. isit ok now

*Qiaowei*says:
i try arh

*Qiaowei*says:
can?

s says:
OKMANOKMAN. i think i just died in my seat.

(I REALLY MEANT IT K.)

*Qiaowei*says:
reli?

*Qiaowei*says:
need me call an ambulance?

*Qiaowei*says:
wads the number

*Qiaowei*says:
i really dunno eh

s says:
995 -_-

s says:
OHWAIT that's the fire engine

*Qiaowei*says:
then wads 991 for
haha

*Qiaowei*says:
AHAHHA

*Qiaowei*says:
yah lor

*Qiaowei*says:
i dunno wad to call

s says:
OHOHOH ya its 991 XD

*Qiaowei*says:
reli?

*Qiaowei*says:
i anyhow type de leh

*Qiaowei*says:
i didnt know there was a 991

(I die here once again)

*Qiaowei*says:
hahah ohman im laughing at myself

*Qiaowei*says:
coz i reli dunno why i talked to ur comp just now

(I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE REASON EITHER MAN)

*Qiaowei*says:
wait lemme put it in my blog

*Qiaowei*says:
ok i dun wan to put in my blog le

*Qiaowei*says:
coz damn lame la

(HAHAHA YES MAN I KNOW thats why im helping you ^^)


and she beautifully concludes the conversation with:

"ohman.
i think i forgot my medicine today or something"


and later for the lack of "nothing better to do" i mentioned to her:
"OHMAN"
"YOU KNOW SOMETHING"
"the word gullible's not in the dictonary la!"


and she was like going REALLY?? REALLY?/REALLY MEH//

HAHAHAHA. devon is crap man :DD

*
ohoh, and i was laughing at sujah's blog! another extract! XD

Yesterday
Omg Chem test was sooooooo hard ok. I just made up all my answers&went mental. I smiled while writing the one below. Then after telling the rest who died laughing I realised it was ahem actually damn funny so yeah I died laughing too. >:/

"A farmer grew his crops near the pond. Excess fertilisers in the pond caused the fish t die. What is this called?"

"A tragedy."



can you imagine writing that in a chem test??

lol man. why is everyone being so funny nowadays :D

the Singapore Biennale 2006!! its here!

hmm. and missions preparatory lessons are very meaningful.. today we learnt a bit on spiritual warfare. and yes im very thankful that ive the opportunity to be able to learn all these.

(:

you know. i realised that i must have been quite some little bitch when i was in primary school/

im serious; funny how i never realised on my own, but i was pretty attitudal and unreasonable and extremely withdrawn/ anti social esp. with people i don't know. and because of that, coupled with my not bad grades, i seemed arrogant too.

made a few boys cry out because of what i said..and i remember some people being very cautious and afraid around me.

it didnt seem so bad at that time though. maybe cos majority of my time was spent with my best friend Joy, and almost avoiding everyone else.

and Joy's one of the bestest bestest friend i could ever have, although people say she's a little weird- or more of innocent la; but she never judges. and i guess that was what i was sorely looking for at that time. anyway i love her! lol and we still can connect, till now you know!

hahaha.. i sound scary. was i a very terrible person? but anyway its the past la. some not very nice past. thats why sometimes i don't like going back to my pri school and everything...its sort of like going to a place where everyone pre-thinks you're this ...moderately horrid person.
wasnt not THAT bad. but yea. around there la. haha.


BUTBUTBUT. i am not like that now! (i think..) okay la at least not THAT extreme. sometimes im still a little withdrawn, but nevermind- God'll change me. and if im getting anywhere horrible you all can start telling me and knocking my head! :)

okay. LOOONNNG entry. i think i am slightly a little a bit talkative..
ohman. and i think my mom is influencing me with all her craze with korean serials. @-@

okay la!
have a nice remaining of today and tomorrow! :)

haha.

haha.

what's the use of achieving something if there's no one else to celebrate your achievement with you?

what's the point of working so hard with no one you care about recognising how much it meant to you?


haha...what's the use?


[cont'd]
ha.. ok i shall continue the post so i don't seem so...desponent and everything.


first though, i shall quote justina for the issue on the uniform and how the principle approached it on thursday.

"first, there isn't a serious NEED for change.then, if the change is going to be for the worse, who would want the change?and an assumption that we don't want change means we love the uniform we could die for it should not be made."


and that's almost what i would like to say about the issue. if the change in uniform is going to be for the worst, obviously we would not want a change. and if using that to reaffirm that that we thus like and do not want to change our current uniform (as compared to the worse designs-but that will not appear on the newspaper, im almost certain), isnt it a little pretentious?

im sure everyone knows that the truth to only a certain extend cannot be presented as the truth. where then is the honesty?

lets say an apple is rotten at the core. and i say, "No, the apple is fine," since i am assuming from only the unrotten parts of the apple.

is the principle then trying to teach the school population that that kind of assumptions based on a part of the whole story can be considered the truth as well?


the principle may be trying to uphold the reputation of the school and make sure that the school WILL say that we love our current uniform and do not want change. but i am disappointed in the twist she adds in making sure such a response is gotten.


is that what everyone is doing out there in the real world? giving only part of the story and declaring it as the truth?

i hope the full story will come out in the papers tomorrow. but then again, what are the chances of that?


*

on a lighter note, this group from korea, Super Junior- has really good dancers:)

there're 13 people in the group and their cheorography of dances' pretty cool too. go youtube to search for this song called U.

im feeling a little lazy to go and search for it. but really, its cool :) they have quite a handful of really good dancers.


ok.im off~ since im sure ive not made myself seem as emo as when i just started the post, mission's over.