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Cookie Monster

tsesin
Name: shirley!
Age: SEVENTEEN, sweetly
Here: zhpp, nygh, njc

Who: God's Beloved

potatopeels_shirley@hotmail.com

let sing along




elmos & bigbirds

aletheia
baocheng
devon
eunice goh
jiayi
jolyn
jonathan lee
joy
junwen
justina
magdelene
mingyi
natelie
pamelia
rach
shiru
shujun
stephanie
sujah
trixie,theresa
victor
xueen
xueying
yiting
yvonne
zephy


EGO Club
Spore design fest!
SAM
word a day
freedictionary.com


bedtime now

cookie-d x May 2005
cookie-d x June 2005
cookie-d x July 2005
cookie-d x August 2005
cookie-d x September 2005
cookie-d x October 2005
cookie-d x November 2005
cookie-d x December 2005
cookie-d x January 2006
cookie-d x February 2006
cookie-d x March 2006
cookie-d x April 2006
cookie-d x May 2006
cookie-d x June 2006
cookie-d x July 2006
cookie-d x August 2006
cookie-d x September 2006
cookie-d x October 2006
cookie-d x November 2006
cookie-d x December 2006
cookie-d x January 2007
cookie-d x February 2007
cookie-d x March 2007
cookie-d x April 2007
cookie-d x May 2007
cookie-d x December 2007
cookie-d x January 2008
cookie-d x February 2008
cookie-d x April 2008
cookie-d x May 2008
cookie-d x June 2008
cookie-d x July 2008
cookie-d x August 2008
cookie-d x September 2008
cookie-d x October 2008
cookie-d x November 2008
cookie-d x December 2008


credits

x x x x x x x
Saturday, June 28, 2008

Between us both,
I'll gaze but will not see.

Between us both,
You'll sprinkle and then leave.

Between us both,
I'll grasp and put it down.

Between us both,
Our hands are, seperate, unmatched.

Between us both,
There is no other you.


-

Conversation with mindy was thought-provoking, meaning today. God spoke to me on something bothering my life of late. And showed me that I was heading down the wrong path.

I am acting on all the wrong reasons!

Thankful so the enlightenment, so much for mindy's prayers, and God's answers.

Hoping to finish painting by tomorrow too!


Praying for perserverance, and His wisdom.
<3

spoke at : 9:58 AM
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
U turn

When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalms 73:21-26


the beauty of a return :)

spoke at : 4:05 AM
Monday, June 23, 2008
<3

Not good enough for you?


Was touched by mindy's letter today, it was so..heartfelt haha i was just smiling at the canteen waiting for the queue like some nutcase LOL although HEY YOU i know you'll never read this -_-
hahaha I miss you :) like super loads ohman/ohmin! haha

miss the days when we'll just freaking do all the crazy nutty idiotic stuff and how we'll go extra crazy for drama

and all the weird talks and bitching and complaining about everything under the sun. ohman those were the days (:

the days of dreaming and not knowing where we're gonna go, but not caring either :D
and although in sec 3 and 4 we were so busy with our own stuff but thanks so much for initiating the whole letter thingy.... so unexpectedly sweet of you ok xD


GO LITTLE BOMB, I HOPE YOU'RE BLASTING EVERYONE WHERE YOU ARE NOW. LIKE HOW WE USED TO BLAST TOGETHER!
hahahaha.. i miss you!

*

and evelyn! was really really nice and concerned and I thank you so much for those initiated gestures of concern! haha i was kinda touched you know? even in the midst of my madness and little (cough-understatement-cough) bit of insaneness. you're a gem (:

and although i never said so i always felt you were like the angel part of my life in the midst of my devilish chirpyness in sec 3 and 4? like sitting next to me always reminding me i had to be nice xD

AND YOUR 'MORE THAN WORDS' GUITAR RENDITION. and you know all my fav songs? and you play them the best? i swear i haven't heard anyone play better than you since ok. the rest are like...ah nevermind. -.-

you were like so thoughtful and self-sacrificial to everyone laaa. and you were so nice i never felt like i needed to be someone else with you. hahaha thanks so much, for always being someone i can go high AND I KNOW YOU READ THIS SO YEAH JUST SO YOU FINALLY KNOW like omg after how long

*

RIGHT. since i'm here let me just write a tribute to all of my closeclose friends (:
although its um. the day before my lit common test paper. lol

*

DEVON.
you idiot! hahahaha. always being damn funny when you complain about everything in the world

ohman i'll never forget the stupid art days just spend couped up in that chicken ass of a room doing prep -_- AND THE BILLIONS OF COLOUR PENCIL AND THE DIFFERENT SHADES AND THE SHARPENING. ok we never thought we would finish it but we did eh?

YOU AR. have the weirdest ideas cracked up in your head like wanting to be (still wanting to be-_-) an espoignage. is that how you spell it? and this -> -_- is totally your signature smiley la. like i get reminded of it when i use it, i don't know why 0-o


AND I'M SO GLAD WE DECIDED TO COME CLEAN WITH EACH OTHER lol NOW WE HAVEMORE TO TALK ABOUT! ohman i know i'll always have you for the enjoy-life things (ICE CREAM!), all the crazy things (GOING TO YOUR SCHOOL!), all the life questions that we'll approach poignantly because we refuse to be positive.................


lol. I'm glad even though we don't talk like damn much we're still as close when we talk ok!

*

JUSTINA.
you woman, i talk so much to you i don't know what to tell you here la. you know how much i treasure you!

ok although we were going against each other and all the stupid idiotic stuff in lower sec i'm glad we've grown to become confidants man. the best thing is, i know you're always there. like always contactable, super free (seems like it xD) hahahah. and you're a big part of my life la, like first in school then NINJADO which was quite a huge thingy in our lives..... THEN PRIMARYSCHOOLFRIEND.

i'm glad i've gotten to know you so well babe :)
and although its WEIRD seeing pri school friend with close friend but >< I'LL GET USED TO IT.


I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST WITH WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
XD

*

JOLYN!
ok you'll never read this -_-
but you've...kinda always been there? when i needed you most. i don't know how to put it. hahahaha i'm go glad you returned back to God, its great seeing you so passionate for Christ now dear (:

although we're like in totally different worlds now but you know, and i know we'll always be sisters in christ. like it just binds us, and its never hard to tell you what i really think.

thanks for all the encouragement, the prayers, the strength, the faith, and so much, so much.

thanks love, don't know where i'll be without you (:

*

JULIA!

last but not least eh. I BLOODY KNOW YOU WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER READ THIS. but we're so close its undescrible hahahaha we're so in tuned with each other la! thanks for being there for the most important parts of my life, all the painful, dark closet parts, all the eventual growth and happy parts. hahahaha you were just there all the time.

i guess there's just something about being sisters in christ (: and i guess the best part was, we were there in our growth in God? and just life.

hahaha its like, i'll never believe the day when you're not a part of my life you know? i'm just so used to you being there (:

love!!

*


its funny, how even though i was so high and crazy in secondary school God has blessed me with real, true close friends? friendships that have real depth, and friendships that two words 'true friends' can't even begin to fully describe. that although we don't talk much everything is still BAM there when we do.


and how now its all really different. i think i'm falling into a loads-of-surface-friends-but-very-few-true-ones pattern now, in this new environment. i guess these things take time. haha ohwell.

but today i realised how truly blessed i am, with these few but DAMN! precious friends.
love you all man, more than you can imagine.

spoke at : 7:05 AM
Thursday, June 19, 2008

I think I was happy, once, a long time ago.

Before Nj, before O's, before graduating, before secondary three, before 14, maybe at 13.

And look what that happiness cost me.


She isn't happy with my status quo, she think its hopeless. That I'm hopeless

Am I?

spoke at : 9:23 PM
Monday, June 16, 2008
Criticism.

Before I forget.

There has to come a day when a turning point has to be made. A point where standards have to be raised. A point where I need to halt and in a long time, really look around me.

Where am I now? Spiritually, emotionally, as a student, a shooter?

Things seemingly minute actually reflect the larger scheme of things, and going along with this theory, how do I rate my current state?

As a student, my room is not as it should be. It is in disarray, things are everywhere, spilling onto my bed. Work is half done, revision barely in exsistence much less solidified - all one week away from CTs. I have no idea how I will scrap through them. It seems like a nightmare replayed from Olevels.

Spiritually, I have lost my bible in the midst of the mess of my room. Discipline, or the lack of it, is a word killing me. What seperates us from the love of the Lord? Not hardship, not turbulances, nor darkness, nor the deepest depths of ocean. But what seperates me from His higher will for me? Discipline, my choice yet I seem, paradoxically, not to have control over.

Emotionally, I see myself slipping away, given up. Detached, like a ghost wandering from day to day knowing full well the consequences of its wondering. I sit here in disbelief, staring at my state. This is not me.


Perhaps the last straw will be when I myself become dishevelled.

And when that happens, will I sit here and let it happen? Will I silently see things slowly morph into a past nightmare and simply let it Happen?


I speak of circumstances controlling me, when in my saner moments, I remember believing otherwise. The disparity, this dipolarity meets, I believe, in my shortcomings. I need to change the waves around me, but somehow I can't. I refuse to accept so, but it hits me over and over that this is beyond me. How do I control a seeming character paralysis?

I am acutely aware of the existance of warped mindsets present here that have caused me to fall thus far, yet my mind is too clouded to put a finger to exactly where. I reach out in the dark and feel nothing I can recognise. Feelings and logical reasoning seem to breached the boundary set up between them, somewhere in my mind.

All seems impossible, yet all I know is, in my clouded consciousness, that God is the solution. I have not been at all representational of His glory this year despite my 2008 resolutions, like promises made and broken yet again, but I know He's here somewhere. Nearby.

I have to stop looking elsewhere. I have to start looking towards Him.

spoke at : 2:16 AM
Saturday, June 14, 2008

lemons lemons and more lemons. I just keep drawing lemons.

Is it some form of escapism into a dimension presumably and believably happier and more peaceful than now? Is it the desire for something excitingly sour in a world where too much tries to be sweet?

hahaha. I blabber too much sometimes.

Been so busy with UOB painting that is quite demoralizing but I refuse to ponder further until necessary. CTs are in a week and it seems too bad to be true. UNLESS A MIRACLE HAPPENS (i.e. I suddenly become damn sloggy/hardworking and is simulataneously brilliant aka NotGoingToHappen), I will do well.

Nevertheless, amidst the logical, I'll still fight and die (or still fail, but not as badly) trying. wee, I am not that demoralized here.



A lot has been demoralizing of late. These few months have been rather... rocky and echo-y. So many highs, so many lows. These few months, things have gone off to where I thought would never. In other words, my world of idealism has been broken.

I feel detached, somehow. Like watching a car wreck from the sides, as a passerby. The catch is, this is my car.

I suppose I can't just, like my car-analogy, REPLACE my life by buying another. Somehow I need to salvage the pieces, place them together again. So much seems displaced though, it seems everything has been jolted.


I think I don't know my circumstance now. I feel, at the same time, braced but fearing so much of another blow. So far I've taken the ones that came - not exactly well, but acceptably okay. What if the next blows me down?

I'm thankful for my CPU peeps though. They're one great bunch, sometimes the only aspect that seems right. The workload's pouring, but I know we can do it (:



SHOOTING.
I feel so bad everytime I go back there, it seems I've benefited the club so little. I miss the people there, I can't spend as much time there as I would really want to, its... really sad. I miss everything there. The satisfaction, the highs the lows, but mostly the people.

HAIYA.
I NEED TO CHEER UP LA.

SHIRLEY YOU NEED TO CHEER UP AND TRUDGE ON.




I know what's the root of all this, but I'm being retarded and not doing anything.

spoke at : 11:58 PM