no other love competes, no rival throne survives, and i serve only You.

and i think the acoustic is wonderfully soothing. somehow it just touches something inside of me whenever i heard it, and you feel like the world can come to a peaceful standstill. it just captures my heart ya.
and dear evelyn can play it like a pro :) and she can play the violin too! isn't that just So romantic? hahahaha

music from the guitar gives me the same feeling as root beer float, just 100% bliss. x)

and when evelyn plays More Than Words on her guitar (which is more complicated to learn, i think), its just HEAVENLY. goshhhhh. hahahaha

and it makes me happy :)

i love the song, and i love the guitar, and i love the player xD



ok. haha i didn't know why i suddenly touched on such a random topic man.

but today has been a blissful day i think. for one, there's suddenly just so much hope.

hope promised from God :)

yeah :) and all the emo-ness from yesterday is gone. well the problems don't just dissappear, but God has promised strength for every hurdle we have to cross. and this year i want to claim the victory he has promised for everyone in him.

praypraypray, is what we have to do, to guard our hearts against the enemy who constantly wants us to feel how unworthy we are as christians whenever we fail God.
"what kind of a christian are you?" "you're a fake christian" are some of the things non christians would think or say that may make us feel unworthy, or feel exactly like a failure, failing God.

but we are already assured of a new identity, a new purpose in Jesus because he died for us. his death eradicates this feeling of unworthiness once we understand that it is precisely because we are fallen beings that he died for our sins, to wipe away our feelings of unworthiness. and because of this we have nothing to be ashamed about, we are to rise up and continue to shine for him, and continue to perservere even when we fail. and there are bound to be failures in our lives, wrong decisions we make, shadows of our past..

and it starts with praying and building a relationship with him day by day, step by step - a little step at a time. (:

so basically this was what i understood of today's sermon, i thought it was good :)

oh, and on the subject of failing. well halfway through the sermon the dove advertisement was refered to, and hannah told me how this teenage girl she was sitting opposite from on the bus cried when the dove advertisement song played. and the worst thing was how you know the adverts would always replay... and the girl would tear everytime, smudging her mascara and all..

the song goes something like (if im not wrong):
i see your true colours, shining through
i see your true colours, so don't be afraid
to let them show
you're beautiful, like a red rose


sigh. wish i was there to give that girl a hug or something.
i know that feeling sucks lots.

there's something wrong, i can feel it in my bones, but i can't pinpoint the source.

i hate the way you come home smelling of stuff you know isn't good for you, but i don't think you really bother.

the way they pile up like sand over sand, hardening, and piling up again.

the way it smothers you? its insidiously evil.

sand's an impurity. and im thinking of electrolysis, or electricity.

but its just the way it saps off hope that's disheartening. sometimes there's just things you don't have the brain for.

sleeping at all the wrong times.

tiredness that seeps. wee.

like joy luck club and all the altered happy endings. a little fake feeling?

still, helplessness beams. its clear like water. whatever the bond.

and you know they say sometimes literature is just an escape.

i know you're lonely, i don't dare to do anything. pride, i think.

okay

i tried, in the least. hope you're better.

movement on the dance floor. its more than meets the eye, really.

if i knew it cost so much - maybe...

maybe its just the frail me. brittleness? like porcelain. we all know they break

a tornedo spins, brings along everything in its path in a merry go ride.

they teach us there's an eye in the middle

like an oasis in the desert??

i sweat a lot, i tire easily. its a condition from heaven?

it is beautiful?

i see perfectly fine (with glasses), but there are some things im blind to.

sometimes its the fear that drives escapism in a jaguar (is that how you spell it?). posh cars

i know its escapism when im here even when im not supposed to

"whatever" counts too, i suppose.

feeling that loads lately. i don't like feelings.

wondering why you try your best but you still can't touch the monkey bar.

funny how it bothers me more now then in my childhood.

i miss my dangerous bicycle rides. i miss the wind in my hair.

i dare not miss what i cannot hold.

yea i'll stop

and i thought thought thought thought thought thought,
that you could think your sorrows away.



help me see you are bigger than all of these.

back from a trip back to malaysia for the chinese new year, and i find myself thrown into and stuck onto a horribly tangled sticky web of things not-done and to-do.

a whole mount everest tall of them, and a humongously disgustingly big web of them.


and on a sidenote, everyone seems to have gotten the lovebite over the chinese new year. everyone's being very lovey-doveyish on their msn nicknames or blog posts.

well ok maybe not everyone's very lovey dovey, but still, love is touched on and pondered. and its scary reading blogs and reading how much their world is really twisted to the other One, and you try not to think how their world will crash one day should anything go wrong.

its like a horrible emotional rollercoaster, esp. at our age when we're all not mature enough to sustain anything.


hmm. that's a very long sidenote.

ok i don't really regret going malaysia.
had fun and all, did some homework there, and most importantly met my grandmother who took care of me when i was young.

as my mother always hinted every year of recent years, we'll never know if it'll be the last time we'll be able to see her.

so i don't regret it i don't regret it i don't regret it.


yeah.
actually im just damn scared right now, i don't know how / where to start. Lord help me see that you are so much bigger than all of these, help me see light of this song lyric

when all things that surround, become shadows in the light of you

grant me your peace, your wisdom and your hope father

oh my goodness, i typed out this whole long entry and POOF its gone like pink smoke. :(

OKAY. anyway it was about how great yesterday was, and it was reallyreally great!


THIS, is when we were getting so bored waiting for the cny performances to start, we starting juggling oranges that were supposed to be given to the teachers or something.


LOOK I CAN JUGGLE!
lol ok not really. im a shit-juggler, but justina just managed to capture a moment when an orange was in the air before it fell to the ground.


justina came halfway while we were juggling! and we had some orange photo whoring times. i think at one we were kissing the oranges but justina deleted that photo :(


when the performances finally started, the oranges were very soft and swishy.

photos above courtesy of justina's new camera phone :)) she suggested i should put this up cos its tangerine-ish. =_=


wee i haven't been feeling so happy in so long! yesterday was blastified :)

after that, went back to zhenghua!<33
lol ok actually i didn't want to go (i was waiting for my bus home already), but the hci people called and told me they've been waiting for 1.5 hours at the bus stop waiting for my school to end without having lunch (God knows why they didn't)

well i felt a bit guilty so in the end i went with them (talk about guilt traps -_-) but i didn't regret it! :)

met others along the way, and actually we were stopped at the gate cos SOME PEOPLE weren't in their school uniforms but alfred climbed a pillar and sang the school song so i suppose that got us in -_- maybe if more of them did that we could have gotten in faster? hahahahaha

our marvelous photo! cos we spotted some other group who were having theirs so we wanted ours with ms tok too xD


top row: MS TOK, william, alfred, nigel, qing yang, victor, hongsheng second row: yitong, huangting, me!, alvin


julia came later so she wasn't in the photo. muaha xD


OH AND WILLIAM CHANGED SO MUCH. as i recount for the 6th time, first time i got down the bus to meet the hci people i was thinking why they brought one foreign hci friend along.... after a while he looked kinda familiar??? then i was like OH GOSH THAT'S WILLIAM.

hahahahaha even ms tok was like "oh wait, is that william??!?" after talking to us for like, 5-10mins?
yitong huanting were like 0.0, and nigel couldn't guess who was he. LOL


then after that we watched Ghostrider! which wasn't very nice so don't watch it. :( it was ok la, but plot's predictable, and i don't like predictable. and i thought the ending was dumb -_-

nevertheless all the talking and interacting before that was fun!
hahahaha and after that yitong julia and i had this girl talk back home that was just reallyreally cool :)


oh and anyways. HONGSHENG SAYS WE'RE NOT INTERESTING / FUNNY ENOUGH FOR HIM LETS JUST ALL BASH HIM UP.

lol ok. for his sake, i rephrase.
he was like "eh but all the interesting people all not there de leh" and i was like ?!??!! so he tries to explain himself,
"no no, i mean, like junwen the funny people all not here"...

which essentially means the above mentioned (in caps).
hahaha, SHEESH!

lol, primary times are still the best :)

hee, since im here, look what i found jiayi pasted on her table when i looked up from the maths one fine maths lesson:

EVELYN and JIAYI. same class since sec 1, love them loadds (:
(lol, finally convinced evelyn to pose for a photo)

lol, i love my class :)

<3

you seek me, even as i fail you
your embrace carries me as i fall
your love dries my tears

you tore the veil
you made the way
Lord you alone know my heart
father you know my pain

you go before me
you shield my way
Lord you promise your everlasting love

and in my darkest hour
i know you're there
your prescence surrounding me

Father you gave the cross
and i know
you love me

teach me how to love you, father.



Lord i am but a wreck, but father show me your way

another week's past, im beginning to fall into a rather specific blogging pattern.

ohwell.

i shant say its another stressed week because i think that it's a pretty undeniable, unchanging fact and of no use to put in repeitition week after week. nevertheless, it has been somewhat an interesting day today.

the release of olevel results, on a dready friday. so much for all the talk on putting it on a monday to decrease suicide rates. still, we got to sit in in the hall with the year 06 sec fours and stare at our yardsticks for our next year results.

and they were good, so proud of them :) but we're the last olevel batch from our school, i suppose the school administration has even higher expectations of us.

the waiting was H O R R I B L E. but im so thankful for my chinese results. i am convinced it wasnt any of my part, nor my hard work (i had barely put in any). my chinese absolutely Sucks and there was a real probable chance i'll fall a notch short of my expectations, but God really worked. i am beyond, beyond thankful.


the proposition of olevels is daunting. olevel marks a new environment seeking your adaption after judging your "intellectual capacities". it shakes your secure world. -not a very nice feeling indeed :(

good thing its earlier this year, i want to get it over and done with pronto. i hope it'll be over quick, like a snap of a finger. click, and gone. but i fantasize.

haha, nahh it'll be ok. i'l have to stop thinking so much and start trusting in God instead - and everything'll be just fine in his hands. :)

wee. ok its been such a horribly stressed out week.
lots to do, loads to catch up on. but thank God he's always there to support me and give me strength.

its hard though, to juggle time and put God first inspite of all of the things to do... but He is the controller of time, and i should learn to trust in him in seemingly impossible circumstances.

its only the fifth week of the first term, and we foresee these busy weeks to be a norm in the weeks to come.

but im really thankful for jolyn and the mornings we meet other just to talk about our struggles, do quiet time, pray...

i believe God has placed people around me to just comfort me, ms yeo my cca teacher in charge talking to me about a matter very close to my heart, my church friends and my friends in school..

esp my class, which i have grown to love a lot(:
everyone's just really nice and cause our class size comes a notch smaller than the normal classes we're all really bonded and close.


hmm. and i thank God for tennis that mindy and i are crazy over!! haha...it really destresses me loads, but i pray it'll not become a tripping stone to my relationship and dependence unto him. sometimes i know i use it as some sort of an escape from all that stress. (good thing we're not really very good at it:D )

i think ive got too many things packed into my schedule, but i think God is tuning my self discipline (which really sucks) through this.
though it all seems so impossible but God's asking me to trust in him to bring me through.



yup. my quiet time isn't that consistent pray God'll help me find the discipline.. and there's a certain someone i believe i owe an apology to (face to face), but im too afraid to apologize. gee,


BUT IVE TO PICK UP THE COURAGE AND APOLOGIZE.

THIS COMING WEEK.

praying for strength.