second entry of the day.someone help me.

JUSTINA!
sorry i didnt go for nonjado even thought i said i'll be going..cos im really feeling very dipsy and drowsy and all.
maybe i'll go tomorrow if i feel better...

nowadays thought there's not much meaning in this. nor anything else as a matter of fact.

i just want peace.

the song regret is nice...ha i just realised that its really really very very nice esp when its really loud..

regret..
it hooks me to think of all the things ive regretted. some painful, some...just purely regretful. and the song brings about the feeling of not being able to retrieve these lost things ever again.. and weaves it all to a sad melody.

the waves at the front and end of the song..
they remind me of the sand the sea brings away, and with every wave brings about differnt sands. those of the previous can never be seen again.

its not healthy-this habit i used to have..

but for now, i'll just sit here and worry about the things i could never change and listen to the beauty of regret.



and regret.all over again.

(: we got third prize for the hamper wrapping compeitition! omg:D
n u know somemore we were dili-dallying for dunno how long...we had 1 half hrs
we started at the last half? :D and we were the last to finish:DDD

devon knows!! she smsed me to complain....

ohman LOL////


ahh should i go for ninjado todayyy? im feeling very drowy:))) tipsy-more of:D heh drowsy in a nice sorta way..


________________________________

this isnt exactly very nice. but its purpose isnt to sound nice.
written yesterday.night;

*
No

Dripping on the bathroom floor
No- just the showered head
Singing unheard
through the bathroom door.

Uneven colouring on my skin
No- just that frenzied fall
Dance floor's embrace
for me.

Flash of red
so refreshingly exciting
No- just that finger
Streak of white a biting.

Under the moonlight on my bed
No- they do exist
Non of hidden pains through my head.

Dear close friends by my side
No- they know
everything
You wanna bet?

All horrible facets of my life
No- the most horrid i share
Non under my hide.

All misunderstandings in my life
No- the biggest
Thankfully not here.

Joy prevalent on each day
No- not for show
Thus my happiness for that day.

All the truths you now see here
No- non is false.

What do you get my dear?
*


-so what do you get?

even dear mindy's totally off.
but maybe cos mindy a simple person./

mindy says she doesnt like it.cos she doesnt understand..haha..

ohwell.enjoy:)

feel the rush of the ocean...


YAy:))))
OHMAN i thought my com had something wrong i cldnt hear this song!!!! i could have screamed then...but PHEW i meddled with someone's conver box without talking -lol don't ask why- and when i came back,

IT'S THERE!

(:

*breathes*
so tired..after the rush of the dance production im thrown back to my life turned upside down, inside out.

there's so so much not done from the past weeks.
and everyday i have to rush through hw of the past, present and think of how to start projects whose deadlines are pulled nearer every second

AND now im stupidly down with flu which leaves me even [more] tired and dizzy.

and there's so many things to rush to i barely have time to breathe-

[u don't have to read this i just need to jot them all down somewhere, so i dun forget anything]
today there was this hamper wrapping competition thing and ahhh i still havent handed up my chinese compre and zuowen;no.darn it i havent even STARTED.
i have to practise more maths but i can barely cope with the normal hw now;
friday this chi project 1st entry and i havent even started on the research;
aep's visual diary which is lke so. *rolls eyes*;
and my CHEM and PHYSICS.if i don't start commiting them to memory i'll die for olevels;
and im like flunking quizzes now cos i obv don't have super memory for BOTH maths and sci nor brilliant maths logic and i don't have time to STUDY.

so yay man.
i am so dead.


*dies*


[random]
anyone gonna mourn for me?
[/random]

i love this song!!
cos its so meaningful.and it applies..to my life..
esp after the production..

Hat Full of Stars
-ended yesterday..the last of it to be shown ever again.but move on we must..

after this, we will be stars in the hat no longer.people have looked beyond..we have broken away as a group.


what mr raj said abt learning throught the process is so meaningful...i learnt so much through this:)) and now i know..through the grace of God too:)

thank you everyone who came...im really really thankful...
thanks for all the flowers! :)
just like justina said...its really nice to have supporters..so on stage ure like dancing your all for them.

but actu i don't like getting flowers,,usu when ppl ask if i want one i'll be like, no..not cos i hate flowers,but cos i won;t bear to throw them away..and somehow you have to right??


so thanks for your soft toy flower mindy! (n no i wasnt affected by your sickeningly mushy and overused sms msg:D heh)


but, ohyes this song is so meaningful.
breaking away;

yesterday was beautiful...im speechless, breathless..
a hat full of stars

God blessed us with a beautiful show..

and magic rises-
(: thank you everyone who came!(:

ha..gee i stick out..
anw..today's another performance; the last we'll ever do this again.today will be better than ysd..


we will dance from our souls..



I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away..

what the h.
i open my email inbox and this is what i get.

read

Hi POTATOPEELSSHIRLEY (this happens to be my email nickname in an ex.disgusting font),

(name taken out) thinks you need shopping advice and wants you to join Z***. Based on what you're wearing right now, (name taken out again) is right! At Z***, you can get advice on tons of products from thousands of people, so you'll always know what's HOT and you'll get the best deals. Members can also: (rubbish continues i do not even want to waste time copying)


WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO DO make you feel bad so you'll join them for SHOPPING ADVICE??!

this is s*.


although its most probably not the person's fault that the programmer sends SUCH rubbish. YOU of all people DON'T KNOW my dressing. so stop using these kinda words to judge people sp they'll feel bad and obliged to join your network.

which most probably has very little people joining thus resulting to you using such words to target at the pride of young people.


WELL if your network is GOOD enough you won't even need to send such things. oh i so do not see friendster sending such stuff.

urg.


everything's crumbling here and now and crumbling further as seconds count.
im falling apart too.

and
while waiting for that star to pass;
let me first tell you it has been that star that's been sucking me dry
to glow

and
the nest's starting to prick me deep
see that redish on my lip

and
as i fight to survive each day
my health deteriorates, here and there...

ah whatever.

and no its not meant to be a poem. just tried to make it rhyme for fun.
there's not much fun these days nowadays you see.


i feel so tired..yet humouring others, i should not be so.
i am happy.

my right hand is literally useless after being in bandage for so long. even after the bandage's removed.

every time something has to be done; my right hand will move to it in habit, but stop halfway and the left will take over.. now my left is just short of a little more control and writing compared to my right.


ahhh..what does it say?

habits can be changed; this tells me.

habits of all sorts..

bad habits
physical habits
emotional habits.


i need to change those habits perhaps.it can be done.
i shoulnt give up...


but. oh what irony.

when changing a particular habit is giving it up.
at least i know i tried.

my pain tolerance isnt high.

"Jewels are a girl's best friend"
This is so often heard, yet personally i have never found the satisfaction behind every one of that precious rock, a-shining and a-gleaming in your hand as you delicately grace it to a position that captures the light.

Why are jewels so saught after? I have once asked a friend of mine i caught drooling outside the window of a jewellery shop, and she stared at me with great shock at my "stupidity".

"Why, its worth a lot! Of course!"

Well.
While some may go after its material value, i prefer to bask in its sentimental value. When that precious rock leaves the hands of your loved ones to you; it becomes much, much more than just a mineral from the earth, does it not? If you regard your giver well, that rock - is priceless.

Afterall, everything of the earth would vanish one day- your loved one not spared, and thus maybe the significance of that rock is of its durability, lasting time far exceeding human years – and the ability to be that object that would not succum to rot, corrosion. That rock that would leave at least a last, glimmering proof of the bond of love forged so long ago on this world where things come today, and tomorrow- disappear forever.

Of lasting proof..
Such is the significance of the rock?

Nevertheless, a paragraph from the reader's digest (january 2006) i find deep meaning in;

"Jewels, especially the antique ones, carry an extrodinary emotional resonance. They hold the memory of cold metal on warm, scented skin; the candlelit gaze of a long-dead lover or a stolen kiss in a moon-drenched garden. Everyone it touches turns to dust, yet the jewel itself remains unblemished, an inviolable fragment of beauty, a silent witness to history tumbling through the centuries."


Have we thus forgotten the once significance of that sparkle on your hand that now only shines for that moment of glamour?

today is sunday.

this is one of the days when i want to blog sth but there is just no good topic anywhere to chew on.

-

okaay.
ysd's prayer service was beautiful..and ysd i experienced that prayer can allow you to grow so much closer to God..and learnt that spiritual warfare comes anytime; and fast.

so...there is much to keep a look out for.

my new class..its a nice class actually...no discrimination of what sort like what justina described in her class..

HEY:D
feel kinda sad for you as a friend..u sound lonely..BUT rmb i'll be there for u! (at least during recess and lunch and after sch la..) (:


yea there's much to be happy about in 314 (in terms of people there)! i guess it'll be warmer after the ice melts down(:

this year and next i'll have to be serious..very serious.
i want to go to vjc.. for now that is.if it's in God's will

what if i don't? haha

then i'll just have to pick myself up and go somewhere else? ive realised i cant be mourning and self sympathizing when things go wrong already.

have to learn fast; pick up; go.

whatever about procrastinating and habits of the past two years.habits can be changed.yes. no more dumb excuses.

ha...am i freaking myself out? i hope this is not just some way of proving my self worth to myself.

but in all..God is the key*
i have to remind myself of that.


and i pray for self discipline in quiet time.

oh my goodness gracious me.

i LOVE literature class.it totally rocks my world and everything everything else...I LOVE THE TEACHER TOO!! -mrs. oehlers i think


but above all i love the poems and everything....my GOSH.i even love that Poems Deep and Dangerous book..its BURSTING with poems to think through... :)

for the `1st lit lesson we arranged the cut up lines of a poem; Tamer and Hawk
the 2nd we evaluated the poem

and whee am i blown away~

the poem may not look like much at 1st but after discussion and everything i am like; oh my gosh...

the class; its like a dream come true..


Tamer and Hawk
-Thom Gunn

I thought I was so tough,
But gentled at your hands,
Cannot be quick enough
TO fly for you and show
That when I go I go
At your commands.

Even in flight above
I am no longer free:
You seeled me with your love,
I am blind to other birds?
The habit of your words
Has hooded me.

As formerly, I wheel
I hover and I twist,
But only want the feel,
In my possessive thought,
Of catcher and of caught
Upon your wrist.

You but half civilize,
Taming me in this way.
Through having only eyes
For you I fear to lose,
I lose to keep, and choose
Tamer as prey.



-

i don't know how you expect me to survive if you keep throwing explosives infront of my face.and ive to act like im not affected.

yay im not.yay


how does it feel like, when you want to do something but you cant?
you really cant...?

and you just stand there letting all criticisms fall all around you and pretend it doesnt touch you

and the worst thing is when u expect that person to understand you..at least that very little??

then how abt when sometimes when u want to try and interfere.but that person doesnt let you, in the end you don't want that rejection anymore so you just try to stay out and don't try to make the other person's life difficult.

and he throws a bomb in ground beneath your very eyes.

so ouch; it doesnt hurt at all.


but as i type this i understand,that should u read this in a one to million chance
you shall withdraw deeper inside

and this time a heart shall break.
two.


-ah.whatever.

wee finally done with that essay!haha...

but hai so sad no one's online..
but anw,
gdluck to everyone out there tomorrow!
1st day of school!

tatas! (:

oh im so darn happy that ive finished hw...lol...

one should never attempt a thousand word essay in just a day. what more 1200 at least.and that's just what i did.

ok 1200-1500 seemed like a small number at first you know.then i began writing.then i realised.BUT it was too late.yay.


and EVERYONE seems to have finished it already you know.

sigh.i should refrain from this kind of thing when school reopens...at like,tomorrow morning.?

but it was kinda cool helping mom to prepare my younger brother for his 1st day of primary school tomorrow.he's turning P1. *gleams

heh.

freaking thing is he doesnt even LOOK interested.gees.but it was nice remembering the day when i had to go to my primary school for the very 1st time...i was so nervous that day when i sang the school song, the feeling returns everytime i return to sing that song.

good thing i don't.

but ohwell.8years have past since.almost a decade now.im no longer that short skinny little girl i was when i stepped into primary school.and things were no longer the same.


ohoh the good old days..