i took this test and this is what it says:

Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time.

You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions.

On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned.

On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative.

*

sheesh. why does almost every test say that im manipulative?? -_- and its kinda sad that i agree im unrealistically sentimental, scattered most of the time and impulsive too. =(

its supposed to be a quite accurate quiz because i got it from a school website. its supposed to help in career guidence. not really helping.

anw, take the test here at your kingly peril. haha -_-

ah. i feel tired, physically la. but anw. this' a really cool poem by Edgar Allan Poe; The Raven
.

its a poem of lost love...but that's not the main theme of this poem la. and its freaking long; boring at first but after you understand it its quite amazing.

enjoy=)

today's dance session was nice:) wasnt depressed, didnt kept thinking my dancing sucks and yea:)
it was cool/

WE GOT OUR HAT FULL OF STARS DVD TODAY *dies from excitment


haha...today i strained my right calf muscle again:( but it wasnt as bad as during the long jumps heats on thurs. the heats was CRAZY ok. i had to LAND and PUSHOFF with my right feet. siao ok. after that i was just pouring a whole bottle of watercooler water on my leg :D

YESTERDAY i went to watch the debate finals! well ok la ny got 4th again, United World College with their angmo accent got 3rd. and acsi was FINALLY beated by mgs (((: after consecutively being the champion for i dunno how many years ok. its quite amazing :))


and boy, everyone can speak so fast and clear. haha freak them la.

almost died when i saw ken there too.(like what is he doing there??!!@$^%) but i shant be mean. so//sigh. OHWELL.

do i think a lot? ok la. realised that everyone's ignoring me nowadays. kinda sad huh. ok not really la; just 2 people. one's quite major la, can tell by the expression...the other's just,hmm normal? :D


and you feel quite stupid la. you're trying to CONNECT to that person like how you connect to people when you talk to them and you get a *look away pretends you're not there* expression.

or a *pretend you don't exist and cont'ds to do other stuff* kinda response.

walao the feeling sucks la. and you're thinking/ what in the world did i go wrong again. you get the feeling of, "can you shut up i'd rather you not talk to me ive got better things to do"

and you feel so stupid. trying to talk and connect to someone and that person's just ignoring you. quite hurtful also;


ha.
so that's why i must never be like that to ken again. even though he really is very irritating.

ohwell. life.


[add]
ohyea, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA!!!!!!!:)))
[/add]

nowadays.

nowadays is a horrible word. if i use nowadays then something's changed. and not for the better, most of the time.


anyway. nowadays there's just so...i don't know. there is this urge to do something, this horrible desire that something's to be done, but i don't know what. most of the time i'll just be restless because there's that something ive not fulfilled.

that something's very very important, really very important to me- and it just makes every other thing fade so blandly into the background... its not affecting my studies, i Think. it just makes me not care about results or whatsoever. im striving now only because i want to get to a jc im aiming for by the end of next year.

that something;
its a goal of some kind that ive...no chance to do, i think. there's this helplessness feeling, that i cant do Anything about it at all. that ive just to cont'd with my life like that.


and its making me so,so,so confused. im stuck in a tornado and i don't even know it. im not that messed la i think..its just that i don't know; amongst the calmness there is THIS that drives me nuts. while being calm at the same time. ha

and everything else that used to drive my to the edge of my sanity at the expanse of my emotional strength is just faded beside it. freak ok. im not even caring about the things that would have driven me crazy before.

and all these tests are just driving me numb.


so. i practically just work and work and work mindlessly while there's this desire to do or accomplish something, but at the same time knowing i cant. or don't have the chance to. and so i work mindlessly on.

i don't even know WHAT that thing is. HA.


forget it this is driving me nuts. i'll go study for my chem test tomorrow.

oh i realised what we did wasnt the triple jump. it was the long jump. there WAS the triple jump heats on that day, but i didnt participate. had this stupid sci comp test thing.


so im going for long jumps heats tml. hopefully i can skip aep.

having my favourite korean ramen again! after which i'll have a glass of MILK.(my favourite brand) *the perfect combination.


sigh. and later ive to rush two chinese compos before ninjado. which means ive got...3 hrs if i start at four. sigh. consequences of not doing hw when ure supposed to/

justina isnt coming. !!@$%$#
and wei, don't be so depressed la... u'll strike your balance soon! (:


watched clippets of brookback mountain today for Film Appreciation. and its just so unatural...sends a chill up your spine somehow. its just so....weird. like, aiya its quite sickening really. *cringes


cute without the E
another one of jiayi's sentences that has that special thingy in it.


things are getting so...boring nowadays. im blogging cos i don't feel like starting hw. and there's so many TESTS this week. its CRAZY.


ohwell. better start.
i think im just going to crap it through.

my com at home cant republish. and so ive to climb all the way to the top floor of our dear school to use the computer here.

yay. *annoyed


anw, we did TRIPLE JUMP for pe just now. and im supposed to go for the interclass heats for triple jump later. ohmygoodness.

haiya...and like freak too. cos im supposed to go for the HIGH jump event also. (!!!!!) T_T next tuesday. RIGHT after learning it for the FIRST time on the next pe lesson the coming tuesday.

*faints* for one thing, i have NO leg power ok. im just probably a little better in coordination. plus im short. -_-


hee. i sprained my right side yesterday when i tried a jumping turning kick at home without warming up. and that jerk's killing me now. stupid me-_- (and its damn cool that jo's LEFT side's killing her while mine's the right:DD)

there's my right ankle and that mass of muscle above the ankle too.! i think i oversprained it just now running and jumping and all. and my shoe flies :D

YAY how to jump later???


NEVERTHELESS, amongst all complains; :D
I LIKE THE SAND! ((: although it gets in your shoes and all, i still like it !!

im feeling disgusted cos i forgot to bring my pe attire. and i had to resort to borrowing it from someone who just ran her 2.4. it was WET when i wore it k. yuck ok. yuck. i shall NEVER forget my attire again T_T


anw. 1st bell just rang

yesterday's second entry was not needed. so its deleted.

today was...okay i guess. i think its stress that's slowly killing me. but i won't die. i mean no one dies from school stress. its unglam.
stupid reason :D but yea, i won't break:) and hand myself over to despairing misery.


*
yes. and TODAY'S HORRIBLE BUS EXPERIENCE:

this morning was FREAKY. a totally HORRIBLE experience on the bus, when i came under scrutiny. of 3 people; and i had to survive the WHOLE journey by myself T-T

i wanted to call mindy like crap/ but u know the bus. its a microphone when u talk on the phone. :'(

and i hate that. scrutiny. i hate it i hate it i hate it. its like looking at all your flaws with a harsh eye and judging. it doesnt go well with me. i hate it like there's no tomorrow.

then i'll withdraw inside myself under scrutiny. under judgments... freak ok. i cant stand it.


maybe because i keep imagining they'll be thinking about all the bad things...but ha im sure they are. i mean, practically, what is there GOOD to talk about or consider???!


gosh. goshgoshgoshgoshgosh.

this happens one more time that person really has a horrid taste. or anyone who does that really has a terrible taste for just the most horrible.

im serious. freak ok. i hate it when people do that. i'd rather blend into the wall and not have anyone notice my existence.

i should go to school extraextraextra early tml. i don't want to see any of them. freak. im... i don't know. TRAUMATISED. haha.

sigh


anyways;
stace's nickname...veryveryvery nice(:
"Don't sweat it. God may not be done with you yet, but He loves you, and I love you just the way you are."

if only i had the courage to tell people that/


i like loving and accepting lots of people for who they are...and i don't want to judge, but understand their cause maybe? haha. ohwell:)

everyone has all their special nice points...even those quiet ones:) once people open up and start to trust, ure just amazed by their character. evelyn! for example :DD quietquiet evelyn huh. :D not so quiet now righttt *grin

accepting others is ok for me..and its a joy loving others too and being tolerant of them;
but my biggest problem is first loving myself. loving and accepting for who i am.


ha...its so inconvienient when you keep thinking you're not worthy of anyone's love or appreciation.

im so not supposed to be here. im supposed to be continuing the 1st of my 3 chinese compos. (like HEY i started ok.finally) but. haha/ oh my self discipline sucks.

according to a book im reading, im [relenting to emotional impulses]. ohwell/ not like its surprising. told myself i cant stay for long though (: obvious reasons


julia's having so many problems nowadays. just like so many other people. sometimes im glad im in a girls school. not just because of boy problems. actually i think the girls in a girls school are...closer to one another? there's more chances at cat fighting and supposing more jian4 stuff; but i think close friends are more bonded. (:

anyways. im really glad i landed my butt in a girls school(:
EVEN if its ny. even as everyone complains about it-like seriously almost EVERYONE k-. even though its so cheena and my chinese sucks so much i cant keep up. even as the uniform's quite horrid and doesnt go with my skin :D


***ok im complaining too much***
im so glad for every single close friend ive met there tho(:

i realised if not for justina i won't be joining njd and wldnt have met a lot other people that are really nice too...if i didnt know justina i wld have joined karate ok. lol serious-cos njd's so not well known :D and if justina wasnt justina and didnt tell everyone abt how cool njd was i guess i wldnt have joined njd too~


aiya.

u know. just random thinking stuff when you don't really feel like doing a chinese compo. or three, actually.

another quiz#

Your Eyes Should Be Hazel

Your eyes reflect: Intellect and sensuality What's hidden behind your eyes: Subtle manipulation

i like the colour of the eye in the picture. then again, everything's better than dark brown. or dark brown's that so dark it might as well be called black.

but...[subtle manipulation]? *raises eyebrows

ah im tired. afternoon's uneaten chicken rice will come trick-or-treat-ing as dinner in a few minutes.and i will gobble it up.


watched Burn The Floor today- a dance concert and freak. im just so blown away. EVERYONE was. lol actually ours were the worst tickets, but we got to move up rather close(: so yea.

MAN. they ROCK ok. geez. im too tired to explain and all. but man, trust me they were GOOD. and the one hour was MUCH too fast k.

in the morn there was dance, and i practised my njd kicks there:D
its a MUCH better environment k. (air con:D and all/ya know) and i don't see how one can check your kick properly without a MIRROR. which the dance room is sorely NOT lacking of(:

ok maybe the mirror's part just me:D mirrors are important to dancers ok. which reminds me. melvin sir told me not to bring dance to njd. like i can help it like that -_-

anw. realised im not jumping high enough. and i land SO hard, if i cont'd like that im going to get fat thighs ok. which does not sound forthcoming at all.

*SCREAMS: I WANT TO LEARN SALSA. goodness. and yay i'll be learning calligraphy soon too. i like calligraphy.


*
i realised that things don't last. things that i take granted for. good things that i enjoy at the spur of the moment. because one moment they're here, and the next they're gone.

ordinary things; like that chicken rice, each day, the show on tv. but there are extraordinary things too. not really extraordinary really. but you take comfort in them; and when they're gone as well...

nothing really lasts actually, except God. the ones you love most might be gone tomorrow. or gone are your emotions to something. everything goes away. and how much of everything do we really treasure now?

haha. another one of my talks/


anw. from justina's blog.

You Are a Jam Cookie

On the outside, you project a straight-laced, innocent vibe. But on the inside, you're complex, exotic, and full of flavor.

hmm. jam...

i'd wished things would go back to before. i just want to be a normal student. freak ok. im being PRESSURIZED. how am i supposed to breathe too? LITERALLY too.

somehow im beginning to find joy in running. (not a VERY far distance ok/ don't worry i havent like. turned crazy overnight)
anw ive got to train up my stamina too.


and i miss dance a lot a lot..

lots to do too. and some ppl are just so unpredictable u know. i cannot stand it when i cant understand people. its just...just very scary.

there's the dear 5 stations of napha tml!! @$%$%!$^%#&^% im aching la. sigh. i miss cheesecake. and im having a ferrero rocher now. TWO in fact. this is my second.

so. what can be deduced of my emotions??
haha.

anw. since i forgot until u reminded me. (actually i didnt even know before:D) HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALF!


.psychology. im freaking myself out, even.

hey. i bet everyone has a windows XP ok. and im stil stuck with the good old vintage 98. yay, i am ancient. its official.

haiya. dot. acrylic sucks la. !!! today jolyn asked me to pei ta while she does her portrait painting in ACRYLIC and it(the PAINT) sucks ok. like YUCK. i know poster sounds unpro but i'll rather that. *grumbles under breath ->(i realise im doing that a lot nowadays.)

there was TWO POINT FOUR TODAY. (2.4km run) -_-
WA.it sucked too. (lol looks like everything sucks nowadays) but i dont' know my timing! =) thats probably a good thing.
*and im telling you i don't know my timing now cos i don't think i'll be able to say that tml or the day after-


today is relatively unreactive. like im mixing the wrong solutions together there's just no reaction. (!!) (maybe like mixing a basic oxide with a base solution.)

ohdear. ive gotten my chemistry wrong today.



******************************

Black
Staining on the breathless white
I see the approaching wind.

Gasp
The rushing in of air
Pressed against your throat.

Speechless

Words
Slittering inside unforseen
Poison in your mind
Incite to open your demise

Now read between the lines.

ha. darn i STILL owe three chinese compos.

anw. i shant sleep so late again. at least not REALLY late. almost died at school today -_- brain was not working at all y'know.

i had a most interesting conversation with someone. kinda..weird? [[ IM WATCHING SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!!! ]] it rocks/ *(boulder)* okay!

-.-

ANYWAYS. 2.4's tml T_T...i will not die there and then ok. i will try to run as many rounds of the 8 rounds :( i will FLY.

ohdear what is coming to me nowadays. im getting siao. ohman NOT good. what if i become like one of those winter people that bring the north and south poles in their pockets???? (lol then i shall not wear stuff with pockets.) :DDD

forget it. i think i should stop talking. :D

YAY. pictures:D on that flag day de


MINDY (big faced) & JOLYN. (small faced)
although they are suckers, but i love these suckers very much <3 (a pity i cant suck with them) -i am quite dead i think-:DD



tell you people so many million zillion times already can. they love me too much they even want to lick my camera lens for me. :) rightt??



mindy's taking up my share of the sun. unfair. hmpf.



jolyn's BAG. i think they printed wrongly. that's why there's a "j" instead of a "s" in the middle of the design.(=



DEVON! -her smile's very nice! (on this photo only la hor XD )



stupid. mindy looks the SAME everywhere. -_- devon has a CHAO sweeet smile can..



HEH ***AIYO QIAOWEI WHAT ARE YOU DOING????!!!***
DEVON; the photo u want:)!



you know. sensible quiet evelyn with her er-look again. and her "these people are amusing" expression-sigh. HEE.



looklooklook!! BT PANJANG my love=) from atop the lrt=))



and my darling my handphone. how can i live without her beeping every day?



heh. im lazy to upload more la. AND i still owe THREE chinese compos. T-T
THREE ok. no joke man.

from yiting's blog.

"YITING!!! YOU REALLY NEEDA PULL UP YOUR SOCKS FOR ENGLISH!!!! STOP FOLDING SOCKS!!!"

-___________________-||||||



anw. today was flag day!-in the morning. ok la we finished quite fast. bet it was cos jolyn and i were IRRESISTABLE. HOR JOLYN!

mindy not counted la she stand so far away.

and after that we met devon n evelyn and began to slack at ORCHARD(: -our flag day location at somerset wadds. :)


TOOK A LOT OF PICTURES IN MY DIGICAM! see if i can upload them :D devon wants our couple photo! (awww..*touched*) -grin- XP
heh. and i was snap snap snapping away at the lrt station and the whole train journey. so embarrassing. like first time sit lrt liddat. ANYWAYS.

so happy looking at our stupid spastic faces. :DD

and later church was great. haha(: for now i should just keep those weirdweird serious comments to myself.YES.


ahh im just so..so..so tired now./
*thats a star.

seriously. what do i look for when i come online?.!!?
WHY do i find myself online here and waiting for something to happen?!

WHY??!!

what do i want from here. what am i trying to express; subtly, yet not. what do i hope others, or some, would get.??!!?

breathe* this is a liability.

i know i was being brainless today. or more appropiately speaking; heartless. to myself? oh.ha-ha-ha.
and i finally got a digicam i always wanted.

and after a while when the initial WEEH-stuff die off you realise how temporary things from the world are. like, poof! and...ha. any "happiness" it brings is gone. ohwell. its still nice to look at i guess. and the functions are confusing me like crap.

cameras...they freeze time; and are the only things that produce solid evidence that the past existed. other than photographs and clips...everything is just in your head. your memory. whose to say they really existed?

haha oh whatever. ive to cut out these kinda ideas.


anw; look! haha from jasmine's blog:

March babies have/are
"Attractive personality. sexy.
Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest,
generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows
emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others."

true or not?
lol. im a march baby! cept for the fact ive grown up already! -haha ok not funny -.-

ok i know i tend to bottle up feelings. (: and im easily angered): and i hardly show emotion. yay. actually most of this here is true. dunno why for jasmine its not applicable. maybe she's not the right answer out of the equation// :DD (N.A you know)


there's flag day tomorrow. reminds me of so much so much else. and they;ll be lotsa thinking time on the trip there so its cool really. except for the fact its so EARLY.

but ah. tml i will try and dazzle with my smile. ha.

a poem for jolyn!

cos she wrote one for me, although it wasnt ABOUT me but:) so touching :)) (ok maybe cos im biased when it comes to poems-.- BUT. its cool to have someone "dedicate" one in your name OKAY) and its really sad too. ha.. go her blog and read! link's on the right!

ha anw...

*

a Solo

Click

The light goes off
I stand
Staring at a different world

Where only I breathe.

Fuzzy with a dream-like edge
Silent as asilent woe
Air so suddenly stills

Shadows flit between
The backgrounds, the lost,
And not...

Outside
the rain that bellows
Flicks, dances and cries

With screams
that pitch too high

The rain to stop
A long awaited due
Yet beyond the icyness of window panes
The rain pours steadily,
Randomly on.

Alone
Feel the coolness of your mind
The rain downs far away
Further than a song

Someone sang, or used to sing.
Softly, gently
Into your ears...

Further than what your heart can hear,
Drown in peace
At last
For once.

Click

The light comes on.
I stand
Staring at the Echo world

And wish the light away.


*
dedicated to jolyn!

people say it feels so coldy distant.ohwell.

-
and justina's idea of a linear equations very very nice... go read!! its very unique* not an everyday idea.. gogogo read! ha im not doing justice to it here. just read it for yourself!

lol
today everyone's being so poetic/
maybe cos its good friday:) =stressless.

but yea,nice~ *smiles

WAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHH!!!

THERE'S NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its so cool its a FRIDAY cos its like an extended weekend and not some crappy holiday in the middle of the week where you'l have to zap your mind back to sch the next day u know.YES->

YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

hee.im happy mans/


ARGH today was stresssful ok. felt like breaking down and lying on the table to laugh at everything and do nothing but i COULDNT and well bacause i had to spend 1st break and LUNCH revising PHYSICS for a TEST. YAY


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i need scream therapy. and laugh therapy. WHATEVER therapy. i just need therapy of SOME sort. therapy therapy therapy come to me. (hey it rhymes) AHHHHHH*

*DIESand gets buried(or cremated)

BEFORE THE TEST i was making evelyn exasperatedly laughing for i dunno WHAT reason and she kept hitting me with notes. i think we were stressed.

and NOW. *attempts at brainwashing* i have LOADDDS of homework! yay! homework is fun and...fun! yay@!

-________-
*omg lol nvm//// GAHH i feel CRAZy////

today aft sch at AEP we painted our tables!:D and i LOVE yixiao's and amandi's table ok. its ALL BLACK and a dash of dark blue blended in. its like; COOL ok. and comfortable looking and (((: anw yiting's and mine was too autumn colours kinda thing. so yea. and i was so sianed by it cos we had to do the same thing TWICE.i hate that.

ITS TOO BRIGHT FOR ME!!!! darn it. its mindy's kinda colour preference. yuck. :D


any yy wayy y.
WEEEEEEE im SO happy its schooless tomorrow!!!!! AHH* =)

i will slack my butt off. (if its possible:D)


and for those who have school-like things *grimaces* on GOOD FRIDAY- gahh my deepest sympathies lie with you. really. (:


[random] i wish school was only avaliable in mars. pluto's fine with me too. [/random]

if you can measure distance by chance,
then we are further than a song.


i shall talk in riddles today. i am bored you see.// while awaiting for my ramen and its sour kiss

muaha. it bites my tongue

today, i feel vague. vaguely here...vaguely there. maybe i havent woken up yet. vaguely at the edge of conciousness. and only vaguely feeling. no clarity

what should i eat after ramen?

there won't be ninjado today. tonight's a ninjado-less night. quite sad. maybe if i pretend today isn't wednesday it'll be better. my mom's tight on me nowadays. maybe if i pretend i don't realise then it'll be better too. every time i break her rules it'll always be for the first time.

a lot of people say im getting too serious nowadays; like mindy and jolyn. mindy says it's irritating too. at least justina says its only for work. maybe because she sees me out of school.

eveyln says its only for work too. maybe because she sits beside me. she says i drive her nuts everyday. and valerie makes me think life has no logic. it snows whenever she laughs.


ramen accomplished. still in the aftermaths of its kiss* //i shall do hw after this. homework is school life. school life is homework life. cheers to that.

wish i was sec four. then i can be nervous and pia for olevels and get out of this school as fast as possible. sec three is stuck in the middle of slack and olevels. its horrid to be stuck in middles.


i like typing a lot. (:
i don't care if people like reading. im beyond caring.

1.everyone is simply un-onlined or busy.
2.blogs arent updated.
3.and everyday feels so THE SAME it overlaps with yesterday in my memory to form something akin to a one normal day. so ive been remembering one day from the starting of this year till now. no wonder time flies.


maybe i should start listing in prime numbers too. 3,5,7,11,13,14,17,19 just to kill my brain cells.

oh yes. i am not supposed to spend a lot of time here.
so before i go off,just in case u don't understand the top 2 lines.

INSTRUCTIONS:
sing a song now.and yes, we are further than that.


enjoy your day~ haha

A>
i love music.
i love dance.
i love the undercurrents of rolling notes and how you move with them with all your heart.
i love how they are the only outlets i don't have to withdraw from, be it partially or totally.
i love how music makes my blood boil, and my heart burn.

today i give thanks for music and dance, although one has been taken from my life. maybe it is out of pure spite. maybe it is part of God's plans.


everyone is in your life for a reason. to shape you, i guess.

B>
loves literature lots
loves art
loving how words can twirl around themselves
loving ???? about art

thank God for them too. i may not have the greatest talent in them, but :) they are my loves. and im thankful for being able to appreciate them.


im thankful for friends like mindy and jolyn, where they are always just a class away when my world is darkly thick and suffocating.

thankful for silent moments mindy and i are able to have and our total unstoppered flow of thoughts to each other. thankful for that steel hard trust we have and appreciation we grew of each other.

thankful for the times jolyn can throw joy into my thoughts and when we'll go crazy together. thankful for the times she brings out the best in someone, just being encouraging. thankful for the times we support each other up.

thankful for the times i can always talk to them.


ha im thankful for being able to be thankful in the midst of dark thick chocolate seeping up in life. /

i realise im blogging so much serious stuff nowadays im positive im having seriousnessoverdose syndromes. *gag.

ok.anw. i decided one fine day (actually yesterday) at the refridgerator *how do you spell that* that i should make a list of everything i love and be thankful for them. THUS. the series starts with FOOD i love ((:


1. VANILLA ICECREAM (some types of strawberry too!)+ chocolate chip cos they're 92% made up of vanilla:DD
2. MILK <3333333
3. CHEEEESE. (cheesecake,cheese sandwiches,cheddar cheese,cheese spread,cheese biscuits ETC<3333333)
4. milo (packet ones are REALLY nice)(:
5. semi-melted marshmellows (: (for some weird reason i think they represent love
cos they're so sweet and soft<3 and they make me oh-so-happy^^)
6. RICE. ok although its like o.O but i CANNOT live without rice. man does not like on bread alone indeed.(in sorely wrong context though but nvm:DD)
7. yakult -it rocks my life in little bottles:)
8. yogart (drinks)->strawberry!!
9. SOURSOP i think im addicted to that-_- i drink when i cant control my cravings. which is ard at least once every schooling day :DDD
10. FERORA ROCHER (did i spell it correctly?) it makes me smile when im feeling dark, round and insanely on the edge of nuttiness:)

wee! i have a nice list of TEN food i love:)

and SINCE justina WRONGLY ASSUMED that i was NOT going to spar; hurhurhur.; i am gg to make her treat me to a SOURSOP drink like she promise. *grins evily

YOUR FAULT LA HUR JUSTINA. although i don't see how it affected anything except make me calm down but nevermind :DDD hee.


yes,on the DARKER side; the food i absolutely terribly disgustingly CANNOT stand.take note and never let these foods appear within a 374m radius OKAY. i puke at these and i REALLY cant stomach them. NO MATTER how much u people say they rock ok/

1. EGG. this REALLY sucks. by egg i mean cakes and muffins and cupcakes that have too strong an egg smell too. and everything else that smells of egg. i'll feel like puking ard 1/2 hr later.

2. BANANAS> the fruit smells and the skin makes ppl slip to their deaths. a totally unedible food. like YUCK. my fave colour was never yellow for a reason. (i went back home BOTH times after fishbone and had a bad stomachache ok. BANANAS in my drink i had to make T-T)

3. TOMATOES. esp those small round ones that they sell in school. like YUCKK to the ends of the earth.they REALLY suck a lot. havent tasted those big ones though and im not thinking of trying anytime near-

*4. SPICYNESS. i think its nice but i cant bear the burning. so there/ (but the nice thing is i'll be obliged to drink MILK after that so its ok ((: )


wee again! yay ive only got 4 (or actually 3) stuff i *cant stand / hate. two of which i cant stomach NATURALLY so its not my fault :DDD

gee u know i think this FOOD fiesta is a subconcious reaction to my mom being late for dinner again. MY STOMACH IS HUNGRY. so am i. my poor stomach and me. SIGH

TODAY
i was feeling really depressed and everything just now. dejected. empty. and stuffstuffstuff, when i logged online and it was worst not seeing anyone i cld talk to online either. before that i went to sleep cos i felt so carved out of my insides; straight after getting down from all my thoughts and this huge bout of loneliness i felt on the bus. its not ninjado, no its wasnt the grading and it wasnt anyone's fault really but sorta all mine? anyways.

ha NOOO i don't have this split personality thingy when im blogging but after reading this reallyreally sad blog about a girl with all her problems and agony, angry and hurt...for some reason God helped me recognise that all this of mine isnt necessary actually/
that amidst problems that everyone faces differently there is joy. its not exactly this, the feelng's hard to explain..but i know that it was Him helping me lots<33

and well listing things i love (all that food up there:D )kinda made me joyful in heart and sweet in spirit(: i realise how much ive to be thankful for all my <3s :D and ha there're so much more in so many more places that stimes ive sorely taken for granted.

EVEN those disgusting foods-_=" sorta really make me appreciate all the food ive grown to love even more...so i sincerely give thanks for them too :)

i guess ive to be thankful for my com speakers not working as well or i'll find myself drowning in noisy songs and feeling worst.

OHYEAH im supposed to be doing hw. SIGH. i tried doing hw but :D nevermind. i got too depressed just now listening to my dear Classical Heartbreakers with songs from Chopin in The Pianist, that sickening depressing song from Schindler's List. and sad songs from Immortal Beloved, Titanic, the English Patient and everything. -_-

(oh talking about the English Patient, ive started reading the book just now! and it was depressing too.)

and most of the time i skip to the next song in the middle of the present one cos it got too depressing. like im not exaggerating ok. i think i only finished to the last song ONCE. cos i feel asleep with it.

anyways.
im blogging rubbish now cos im DESPERATELY waiting for my mom to come home and cook dinner. T-T;

lol ive really ran out of stuff to blog about :D alas, one does not run on an empty stomach you see. ok.-_=" i gotta feeling that was in the wrong context too. I CANT THINK PROPERLY>

anyway. something i found while trying to organise my stuff a little so i can actually START hw.(which i didnt, btw)


The heart is a fragile thing, thats why we protect it at all costs, and give it away so rarely, and how much it al means when we do. Some hearts are more pure than others, like crystal among glass, and even the way they shatter is beautiful.

Should i stumble again...


a week's gone now..its gone so fast. when over is the week 3 belonging to the term number 2. and sunday there'll be grading.

im blurry eyed and fuzzy brained now that ive been bloghopping from an associate i don't know well..and later to her friend.

and life is just so full of hurt and pain and agony... where any happiness is questioned. your own worth is questioned. heaven, is borrowed. that sometimes a second passes like eternity, and eternity, like a second. where visages of what could be- lies in dreams fragmented. inertia is lost, addictions arise, insecurities form. you can't let go, you don't know where the wind will blow next. the whole world with its immense population isn't listening. and everyone is bleeding.

when even as i speak, i stare back at a

"you-broke-your-promise"

who knows what lies beneath?-

"my life is plain black"

who knows how deep that black?-


expectations.
from youself, your friends, your parents, society, the world, your dreams. they drain you when you don't meet that silver line and beyond. they hang your self worth on the noose. what you do is always not enough. what you do will never be good enough.


we don't ever see the good in ourselves. we see so much that doesnt exist, so much we have failed at. while others somewhere stare at you with silent eyes of admiration, and you share the same doubts. when your heart lies parallel with that unknown. and you realise; just how much do we view ourselves?

maybe that is when love takes over. love sees what is previously unseen. loves has the power to overeide. love touches your heart. we cry for love. either positively, negatively. love brings heaven to you, love crashes your world. maybe because our worth builds on love. without someone who loves you you are worthless.

but love alone without understanding...is destruction running on sugar high.
and the reaction doesnt stop once it starts. until what is left of you is?


our lives they fill with hurt, blood and gore galore. and who else is there to shed a light upon dark water and light a path into love everlasting, and graces overwhelming.


...still caught in Your grace.

the 4th of april. 040406-
something i found staring back at me in a forwarded msg.


If one day you feel like crying...Call me.
I don't promise that I can make you laugh,
But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to run away -
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop,
But I can run with you.

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...Call me.
I promise to be there for you,
And I promise to be very quiet.

But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps i need you.


maybe sometimes even formarded messages have some use.
the first three stanzas la. makes you wonder whether you're willing to do that for someone else...


hmm.

two words. darn - it.

im losing myself...


until it recovers, im not touching the computer. unless i absolutely HAVE to. its too noisy...it clutters my life. its an excuse to get away from silence.

silence where the truth will surface. how did i deteriorate so fast? how did i fall back so close to what i was before just from one dream? how did i start to fear so much again...?

no more bright pixelled screens.
i'll not run away from silence now.

but have victory in Him.

probability kills. it kills kills kills.
i refuse to go beyond the scope of total possibility. i refuse to even touch it. because it scars you later on.

probability is killing me. literally. i need gravity to bring my head from the clouds above. i need stable ground only God can give. ha..i need rest. simplicity. wisdom. oh my goodness i need a miracle.

oh probability.
it slithers around my neck.