after this...im going cuteoverload-hunting!:)

tml: FISHBONE CAFE
SEVEN PM TO NINE PM
@COVENANT EVENGILICAL FREE CHURCH.bt panj!

must come!!!!!!!!!! come see the atmosphere(:
yea! ((:
*

anyways.
cip at west mall library today from 3-6.wanted to borrow books afterwards but realised the card's blocked. aiya...

was supposed to do stuff in the adult section,(this whole CART of magazines,in english and CHINESE)and after i was done had to straighten books cos there werent anymore books to shelf. and straightening books is just boring really. no sense of acomplishment.
sigh*.haha


but spending time in the adult section and later the children's section mindlessly straightening books made me realise i love the children's section more:) and ha it was so nice thinking that the little kids would find their books real easy after you straighten them all out.

:)
i love kids. i think they're so easy to work with. so simply happy all the time..(unless they get into trouble) and just lively, bouncy, a little noisy maybe...lol/
ha and so stark a difference from the solem, serious faces with fierce concentration glaring onto black and white words. and you wonder what went wrong in this world..


ah.
differences. for one, knowledge... the little ones have knowledge of going beyond the normal scope of reality..beyond all imagination, beyond the universe(: they know the knowledge of happiness, smiles, how to believe. they know no limitations to their dreams, they know not the double faces in many things. yet they know life is so much more.

and what do the grown ups know? what do we know?

the sides are so far apart, the gap runs so deep..haha. we have much to learn from little ones.
*

for now though, im going cuties-a-hunting(:
to hunt with me: CLICK!!
courtesy of ale's blog(:


[add]
today i declare my loves this week (in no particular order)
jolyn mindy justina yiting zijing ale stace rach evelyn LOVE YOU PPL (TRUCK)LOADS!-
and cos there's more!(: but this week uve all been great loves(:
[/add]


lol, just felt a bit loving:D

sometimes when the line pulses as you pause to think but you can't figure how and what to type, can't find a way to express how you feel.

pulsing


still pulsing


maybe its not because you don't know how to express, but you mind too much of how you would be perceived as others as true words flow.
so why this hesitance?

but nevertheless, i shall start-
some other time.

ah.but strength...what exactly is true strength? and how to differentiate between the real stuff and not. how to sift the ones by the thread and the ones truely holding on? how to find if a person is bleeding inside. what to do when you find it. what to do if maybe you don't want it out. what if your deepest desires contridict your actions. what if you help others because you are driven by your need. you understand the pain,and it drives you crazy when you can't do anything. that another should go through what you feel. what if you try too hard and fail. what if everything is just an illusion?

*breathes
im just so tired i don't want to care anymore.

sometimes i stand at the side and envy those who show their true self no matter the circumstance and in return get the support they need to tide over what they encountered. but its my own fault my own decision and my consequence i've to live with. sometimes though, you can't help but just envy those that don't dive into deep waters.

when you stand on the edge of a cliff. do you choose to jump to your death, or do you strive to soar.

im sitting next to sicheng in the com lab now. and just maybe i envy her for her simplistic view to life...but why does she face so much discrimination from so many people? and i thank God she doesnt know about most of them at least.. and im happy enough i can help her in some way. ha...she's easy to talk to. and she's doing some project on the com. haha just helped her make a star. looks kinda cute(:

ha life is made to be simple... everything but complicated.


maybe its just school. mindy are you pissed at me? ha i shant pretend i don't care anymore. so many times ive pretended i don't care for so many things although i know i very well do...and it helps nothing in the end. i shant be cold anymore. at least anymore than i can help.


lol...and she just drew a heart that looks really cute...and its smiling at me too. (:

all for love, the Father gave
only love could make the way
all for love, the heavens cry
for love was crucified


i love this song.. :D justina say u love it too! and don't say it has a virus ok -_-

ha i should be happy that im heartbroken; things not fully severed from a past that just breaks your heart a little once in a while. sometimes its inevitable.

but i should be happy to face trails of kinds..because i know He'll be there. and sometimes the bad things always bring you closer to Him from the afar you've floated from afar, or the too much you've tried by yourself.
and cos, also:
James 1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trails of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

yea. man, i should be glad.
cos i know He'll be near.

justina! come back to school la girl; i'll miss you/

i am covered by a layer of dust. sand. whatever.*SCREAMS(oh yiting says its proven it takes 10mins from your life anw-the screaming thing)

ha ohmygdness me i will never sand a table ever again. if it can be helped. at least not with those HEAVY machine thingies that rotate sandpaper so fast it vibrates your hand like nuts and blows out all the sand and stuff into a beautiful fog that chokes you, makes your eyes water and turns white sch uniform to lightish brown.

it was interesting thought, the fog.


i shall learn to tolerate with my mom. is it unreasonable to look into all my hp msgs without asking permission first? she says she has every right. does she? im not even sure.

but i shall not grow up to be like my mom. yes i am determined.


sch work is piling again and ive to clear the mountain fast.first day of sch and its physically draining already. this week we have THREE hours of physics> which is crazy.and i hope my wrist can handle wed's training.cant even put strength without hurting it.

why am i letting all these weight me down?
should i be just be talking and not actually doing? haha.

ive to ponder no more and start moving. a vow does no good if its broken.

and ive reached a point where i know i cant do ANYTHING in my capability. and so i'll just pray. shouldve recognized it long before.
but God'll still come.and there's nothing he cant do..like so many times before.
His amazing grace.

who can love me such as much?

"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him,"- Philippians 1:29

ah. this speaks a lot.
am i ready to suffer for Him?

-ponders-

the night shines outside my window, the sky pieced before me

and just now i was out blizzing! under that starry skyy with gone case retard rachel (i almost died but because of God's grace i was spared:DD) and serious faced joseph and za____ (LOL i dunno how to spell the name!)

haha...for the fishbone cafe this saturday! (7-9pm)at church@ I'LL BE MAKING DRINKS SO MUST COME SUPPORT ME! (no chips this time promise../hopefully/)

and there was this one man in the park, he was smoking under the pagoda..alone, in the middle of the park so late into the night when its so ulu.ha...lonliness must have been gripped at his heart.

when we attempted to explain to him about the cafe, we found out that he had came from china probably to work here. and seeing his state, he probably didnt have any frens either, therefore taking up smoking..and being alone under that pagoda with that so dim light lighting up the dark park.

when i asked if he knew the place (we were trying to give directions you see) he said he didnt know the place, although he didnt just came to Singapore. work must've his only thing he can do, occupying all of his time. and when he had free time, he's to spend it alone.

he didnt even try to get away or get a bit skeptical when we tried to talk to him...he didnt get what we were trying to say and just gave us a 10 dollar note. of cos we said no that wasnt what we wanted and all, and gave him a card...though he cant understand english im quite sure...cos he asked us to speak in chinese after our eng intro.

so..ha he's reached this state of lonliness when he just...i don'tknow, becomes solitary.that he doesnt even care...of whether these 2 girls are just cheating him of his money or whatever..life's almost seemed to lose all meaning for him at this point.that he just gives a 10 note without even fully understanding what he is giving.how lonely must he be, just sitting there alone, thinking of everything missing in his life, hoping that smoke can make him forget.how long has he been there? how many years already?

there's..so much sadness in this world- that God just wants to eradicate.how much more does it break His heart when even my heart becomes so flustered for this person i don't even know.ha...gee. i cant stop thinking of his eyes-of hopelessness. maybe because ive been through it before?i don't know.

but i want to have faith that God'll lead him to the cafe this saturday, and into a path forever onto Him..

so that God'll fill that lonliness inside.
and i know it'll somehow happen.

aiya.


sometimes i wonder why i even care anymore la. *breathes* ok. change of topic.

walking to west mall today along the pathway there was this old man who was blowing something that looked like an ancient musical instrument, and the music that was coming out was just absolutely beautiful. like, echo-y sad and melodious at the same time...like the music you would expect to come out from the flow of the water of some river in some heavenly place tucked in the somewhere of China.

ok nevermindd...haha.


oh how many times have i broken Your heart
still You forgive
if only i ask

oh how many have You heard me pray
draw near to me

everything i need, is You
my beginning my forever
everything i need, is You



the greatest love ive by my side- what then to fear?

heyy wee im at school while typing this!

ve' made up my mind not to go online as often at home anymore...ya know like might as well just do everything in school.

i am avoiding msn you see(: cos im getting addicted and stuff stuff stuff. yea. BESIDES. the computers here are like much better then my rather dumb one at home.


ive to start working hard and ive to Change my procrastination like big big time. cos its affecting my quiet time. but ive to give thanks for His grace again today :D our dear social studies teacher didn't turn up today and our P.E teacher's really sick so she let us off real early- so there was more then enough time to complete my aep project! *GRINS

lol gee its sad my life revolves around hw doesn't it. ive to catch up on lots of stuff when i get back home later, including like qt (!!) i shall do that first. haha..

school's taking up a whole lot of our lives...and what is it about school anyway? we come to school to learn and stuff right. and sometimes school just feels so alien, yet school's what ive to attend everyday. im not exactly in love with here really. i just want to do my best and see where i can go after next year.

i shall have a chocolate later.

we still have a year and 3 terms more...and mindy and i both agree we're already feeling that weariness of this whole thing creeping up. although term 1 passed so fast> it drained quite a lot. and how to survive? somehow we have to though, so might as well have a positive attitude!

school really sucks sometimes..but well its okay if we accept it i guess?


ha if you see me online later in the night then you should knock my head.

ive to start thinking...
do i glorify God through the things i do and my speech?

ive not been a 'good christian'. my quiet time is like. extremely inconsistent. and everything/
so ive to change. and i realised the importance of quiet time.

when my quiet time isnt consistent everything just goes flop for me. its so easy to slip into that pitch black hole of depression and smile and think you don't care about anything and everything and sorrow has no meaning, just as joy doesnt exist.

when my quiet time isnt existant, i forget about God and that infinity of love and hope from Him. forget about everything he has done before, forget that i still have his will to carry out. i forgot hope and chose to dwell in darkness again.

but how long can i stand alone in the dark? sure, you don't die physically- i mean i didnt, or maybe it was just a matter of time. but i know that everytime i went back to that horrid place i left when poison rooted in my mind i didnt even know the 1st time, and on the 2nd i couldnt detach myself from, till God helped.

yesterday matthew spoke on exodus 16; and when i read it maybe it came as a blow. the Israelites disobeyed God again and again, 4 times in fact, whilst God each time continued providing them with what they needed for the rest of the forty years...how unfaithful were they?

and so, how unfaithful was i?
have i forgotten so much of what he has done for me? have i only allowed him to come into my life for a few weeks at most, then slowly turn away from him?

ive to have more discipline in my quiet time. and discipline is a big big BIG thing for me, but if he can change the shy to the outspoken, the empty hearts to hearts bursting with joy, i know he can change this discipline problem of mine.

ive to stop relying on myself lean on him instead. because ive long realised im weak through and through.

and what a pastor said- of those emotionally insecure and the city of Samaria is so true. they built a fortress of such strength, impregnable walls they have around them, that no army can tear them down. but in the end they starved, inside of their own high walls, when the enemy army camped outside their walls, on the bottom of the hill.

so maybe all these walls'll be built so that no one will ever know what you feel inside, no one can understand. no one and nothing can get in, nothing can hurt you, because of love you reject and love you don't give. and outside everyone'll look and see how strong you are, when inside of the city it is starving..and who on earth (literally) will understand that and help?

lol am i sounding bit depressing. ok. but thank God im not like that anymore. well at withdrawn as last time- which is a miracle. so yea(:

a pastor said during ignite, that everyone can question about your religion, faith and your beliefs...but one thing they can never take away from you is your testimony that you know in your heart of the change in your life when he touched your heart.

and that is so true(:

*scraped*


haha why so sad ar.

dear justina's blog made me addicted to all these quizzes again. but how much do they worth actually. ohwell.

i just had to get a someone that exhausts my strength out i have to sought His.


but now when i knock, i hear an echo return.

arghh.
#$%$^*@#$~!@#~@#!@%@$&%^%*^&(@#$!#%


forget it.
FORGET IT OKAY.

some people were just not built to be understanding.

oh. hahaha.


~~~~~~~~~~

ok forget it.
maybe its not the person's fault. no its not. maybe its just mine.

again, *laughs.

came back from obs! :) with a sunburnt face and lotsa nice memories:D

haha..it was so weird when i saw all the buildings again back in mainland singapore from the bus.eveything had this surreal sense..and i thought that there were too little jungle area for my new found taste:D


gee we bonded so much!! and i had a most WONDERFUL birthday yesterday## woke up EARLY in the morning feeling so groggily like RUBBISH and wanting to curse everything in sight (including the toothbrush) while walking to the bathroom which is like MILES away and my Darly sipei came and gave me a sunny big smile and her biG bear hug, with a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" (((:

she's the FIRST ONE to hug me on my birthday! den there was the others:)

''lol i was SO touched ok..haha i mean SHE REMEMBERED when even forgot it myself:D
i got a birthday song during morning circle with my watch! and i got ANOTHER song while kayaking and driving my partner (and everyone else) crazy with my singing.

sigh haha im so TOUCHED.
then rockclimbing! it ROCKED. (ok LOL that was lame)

first time..and i have ALWAYS loved rockclimbing! (even though i havent tried it before..ohwell:D) and im PRO in it.LOL

cos i was so gan chiong so i was like rushrushrushrushrush and when i came down they were all like amazed and SAID I WAS PRO! AND they said when i slipped i slipped very nicely too:) *grins

okay im being a lil egoistic(: but AWW gotta let a girl have her fun SOMETIMES (like the day after her birthday) (:

but bet that was His birthday present for me! *thankfully grins

we did lotsa other stuff too! lots and lots and lots and lots// :D and now i find technology fasinating.. lol a bit pathetic right;
like i on the steoro and im actually i little shocked at the music that came out. and just now when i was typing i was like WEE its COOL. ok enough said :D

AN D I ATE A LOT OK. LIKE GEE. heh..cos they gave us more food then what my mom gives me at home T_T and i happily finished everything clean. YES AND I WATCHED THE MOON AND THE STARS AND THE GALAXY AT NIGHT LYING ON THE GROUND. one of my must-do-before-i-die things in life :) hand in hand with watching the sunrise and the sunset and the waves for a whole day and LOTS MORE>


haha..and now im back to life in reality. good/bad?

tml's obs..when i wake up that is. and that i might leave with an ending such as this, is quite.well.

anyway.

goodbye to my shokubutshu shower smell, i guess...

what else would i miss?

LOL

*let me paste sometime from jasmine's blog:

(situation// class was given a question during maths lesson, of which they had to solve in pairs)
jasmine's account starting with her partner:-

"But even before we get started, (when we were arguing about partners or groups) she started to make real lame comments like I want to do with LiJiaWei or eee, don't want pairs! I don't want to do with you. SO in the end I was like I want to do with math department THEN, we started talking about how different departments will look at the situation and tackle the question."

This is the situation:
"Students are putting on a show. Sketch a graph showing their overall profit as a function of the number of tickets they sell.

We were like la dept were probably be like:
"Is there any underlying meaning?"
"What does putting on a show means? Putting on a mask?"
"Something's wrong with the english. Economy of words."

History dept:
"What's the concept behind it?"
"What's the purpose of it?"
"Who invented this question and when?"
"From contextual knowledge, (then must show both sides of your answer)."
I forgot about the history one la, not very important ANYWAY.

Science department:
"sin i divide by sin r will give you the answer"
"plot the graph y axis against x axis (or is it the other way round)"

Geography department: (provided by yours sincerely :DD and xinyi thought it was super funny)
"Where are the people going to put on the show? Is it at the river? Now, which part of the river will erosion occur?"


_________________________________


then after all the crap they concluded:
"Assumptions made: The students did not go for the show as they had diarrhoea and they forgot to sell the tickets."

LOL

MAD PEOPLE XD


this is the first time this year ive heard such ingenious rubbish :D



+
TOMORROW'S OBS!
lol bet its gonna so rock my 15th birthday. IM FIFTEEN ALREADY.(ok in 4 days time:D) a HALF of 30 years- but i still feel like a kiddo :D

my birthday~
eeeeks. who's gonna remember it?


*wonders if God'll give a birthday present.hee

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Psalm 100 v5


NOTHING is impossible with God. all God's :))



he loves us like no other will...come into His love, for he has been waiting for all of us.

i pray this will not be another spiritual high, pray that this will be a fire consuming for glorifying God always, and to also dig deep with Him at the same time. to build a foundation nothing can rock. what can come between God's love for me.


i will never be alone.

for surely i am with you always, to the very end of the age.
Matthew 28:20b


and as an extra consolation; the pronounciation of surely=shirley:)

TERM 1'S SO OVER. sososososo over. YAYYYYY

gee i pei fu justina for being so un-stressed yesterday k. still can watch that stupid 2HR amazing race. like. *-* yesterday i was SO stressed okay. like my blood vessels' gonna burst under pressure already. HAD SO MUCH TO DO. but in the end i didnt care and went to sleep. so now i STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO DO.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.

everything's to be handed in on MONDAY man. omg//


i cant WAIT for march holidays. i vow im gonna sleep at 9.30 every night and wake up at 9 in the morning. I DON'T CARE.
and next week's obs already...i havent packed!!! and im in no mental state to face sand flies. they better not come near me. i'll rather like, ants and bees. ok-actaully i'll rather nothing comes near me. and i hope my right shoulder and wrist'll not aggrevate. AND im crossing my fingers and hoping i won't be getting what, mudpies for my birthday present. or another chance to drop from the cliff off the beach or sth.


BUT.
TERM ONE'S OVER.(: im so relieved. ha and i actually got an average of 74 for chinese this term! like :O. its a MIRACLE. lol..there's HOPE for my chinese afterall! although its quite. well. not a lot. :D

this term i was rather serious during the beginning but like till this week and the last i was really going crazy till everyone asked me if i was in the right state of mind(or left. haha) and evelyn actually hit me with the maths ws and told me to shuddap:D. like EVELYN ok.

next term im gonna be more serious during proper lessons and loosen up (not totally thought:P) for unimportant lessons :D ok im actually planning for term 2 already:S thats not a good sign :SS. ohyes and...[JOLYN AND JASMINE'S PRESENTS]!!!! *gasp*

and i so cannot believe we have to study a whole maths chapter on our own during the holidays. one STACK of maths notes and two chapters off the textbk. and when you come back again you're supposed to be all ready for a new chapter already. boy maths is freaky like no shit can ever be.


meanwhile, ive got to go put my darkblue nail polish.

i realise everyone of us is bounded by something that tortures our lives. a fear, a misery, a torture from someplace, someone, yourself.

ha...sometimes i find so much meaning, so much that was lost, in what i grieve over. and other times i don't grasp the meaning.

i shouldnt come online so often i guess. cut off all contact and tackle myself alone.

hope it won't turn out as bad as im imagining now.