Disappointments come when you don't get something, but only because you first expected something in return. Sadness comes when you choose to linger on the sorrowful. Self-doubt comes when you throw the negativity at yourself.

Its much better, I presume then, to appreciate someone from afar and love unconditionally, and without stipulations. To learn from things that sadden you, and move on in life; forgive, and forget. To see the positive side of the coin about yourself.


Of course, its always harder to act on what you theorize or already know. But Shirley! You're going to try!

I think I tend to depend on people I love and trust to define my self worth, underneath all the happiness and the smiles and the presumed carelessness. And its unhealthy, because once these people are absent I get sucked helpless into this whirlpool of my own negativity. I feel like sand in shallow water is, being settled and unsettled in sync with the waves, who in turn are reacting to some god-forsaken wind from some direction.

Alright why am I going all elemental.


But, yeah! Its time I start building my self worth and identity in God again!

After this year of first forsaking him because I didn't understand why I was placed in the school I am in, despite desperate protests; doubting his love and choosing to go my own way; becoming lost following all sorts of people and trends; finally I realise how's he's been here all along.

Maybe I can never understand why I was placed here, perhaps, like other things in the past he'll reveal them later in his own time. Nevertheless. I've decided to get back on track with God! To learn to trust in him again, and continue growing in this faith journey.


OKAY. Spiritual things aside, I am determined to go back to some kind of adrenaline pumping action after promos! Go qiaowei we need to work hard for promos so we can go for boxing/muay thai lessons together!

I seriously think I need some kind of exercise. This sedated lifestyle is just. Not shirley and not going anywhere! I want to sweat lots eat lots (without worrying where I'll be burning it off) and be excited loads just like in the past, before the big'o Ankle Accident. When in the good old days destressing = exercising, not eating unhealthily in the dead, wee hours of the morning.

I also am determined to, after promos, SLEEP A LOT. To induce some kind of overdue (albeit a little late) growth spurt, in the last lap to talldom-ness! Its like, now or never.

Things I've done and always loved, dance, ninjado; and things I've always wanted to seriously get into, TENNIS, muay thai, rock-climbing (this one's a bit hard).
And to be able to start on alevel coursework!
AND to finally get afresh with shooting.


Ohohohoh I can feel my blood pumping already, can't wait for after promos!