This is beautiful! Click:
Hallelujah, by Kate Voegele.

I never knew the full version was so..intense and resounding. Its such a warped interpretation of hallelujah, though. If you search for lyrics.



Actually, there's something about it that intrigues me. Something about the opening melody of that few guitar chords of that particular arrangement. There's a streak of familiarity that strikes at me, from a long time ago, in a song someone wrote.

So I find myself replaying and replaying that song, trying to grasp that fleeting strand of memory and the consequent melody. You know how it feels when something almost solidifies in your consciousness and escapes before it takes full form. I've been chasing this ellusive stream of memory for the past afternoon now.


I think I tend to blog in this cryptic mode when I need to clear something out of my system, so either my thoughts come out jumbled or many strands are running simultaneously at the same time. Other than these I can't think of any other reason.

I don't do it on purpose, like relentlessly think of how to twist my sentences. I suppose its more of not simplifying my thoughts since I'm concentrating more on the whole idea?


But I tend to think I tend to create this distance when I write. Don't know if the people reading feel it too. Its either exclusively personal or, coldly impersonal?
Perhaps I haven't reached the particular standard where there is vivre in my expression.


Hahaha.
Sometimes I wonder I seem to be a little.. sad all the time nowadays. Seems like a part of the happy me flew away, I laugh a lot more but more often than not its more of laughing to escape that lingering sadness. And it feels a little empty. Sort of like laughing without joy.

(I am trying very hard not to make all this sound emo, because I don't think really there is a need to.)

I think we do that a lot more as we grow up, laughing without joy. Seems more opportunities to indulge in it. We feel inclined in social settings, we feel inclined when someone's enjoying himself. Is this what they call groundedness, not laughing all the time? Not being flighty?


Very little makes me truly laugh nowadays.
Perhaps, like jamie who got one on love, I should get some book on the philosophy of joy. What do you say, devon? Hahaha