Saturday, August 23, 2008
sorrow
You saw but sorrow in its waning form.
-Dryden
spoke at : 6:51 AM
in broken-english
There is something touching, noble even, in trying hard to express something - even if it comes out broken.
Something admirable about being fearless in admitting your deepest fears, worries, pain. Something courageous in not being afraid to be seen, accessed, by the world; in not bothering to set up walls because, well, who are the rest of the world to judge?
spoke at : 9:18 AM
On my own I think about whether I should choose someone who can be with me in my highest highs, or someone who can be there for me in my lowest lows. And I realise, who am I to choose?
What am I living for?
Talking to mindy has made me realise how wayward my priorities have grown. How far away from God, and His purpose in my life. I'm afraid this is just an impulse, some sort of a once-beautiful warped into an utter-mistake, because it was blossomed in my waywardness.
I am thankful for today. If anything, it is God's poignant reminder for me. In more lucid moments I do grasp the full understanding of what I should do, but in moments (like now) whitewashed in weariness I can only remember the What, but not the Why.
God is signalling to me to make a decision now. Now, without any putting off of the matter any further. I have told myself many times that should I be able to go back in time I would never make the wrong choice down the wrong path again, but Now that it seems like a replay I am struggling.
I need to make a decision. Or maybe, deep down I know I already have. I just need to stop putting it off and start acting on it.
I need to let the cookie crumble
spoke at : 8:10 AM
ramblings
Its always some sort of comfort, and reprieve, to string words together here.
There're not really made of the best combination of exotic words with beautfiful versification, but they'll do to make up some other world I can escape to, sometimes.
Just for these few minutes, I'll engross in the regenerations of my thoughts, emotions into black scrawl on white, see the intangible take form, and feel some sort like a creator, of sorts.
I'll let my thoughts fly where they want to where they want to bring me into the air and into temporal carefreeness.
And now, in pursuit of carefreeness, I need to work.
In a lecture theatre full of students our HOD warns we might not be able to keep our subject combination at the rate we're going.
He lightly hints a fatherly suggestion,"Rather than spend your november holidays feeling horrible because of your results why don't you feel horrible now and enjoy later?"
I think about it and its really true.
There's only now. Promos will come and go quickly.
And as much as I'm tempted to feel that I won't need God's help in this, a little voice in my wayward heart tells me relentlessly it is exactly at this time that I need him the most.
To help conquer that stupid moronic procrastinating blockhead of myself that's eating away everything else and been in control of a large part of my life. I find... Her so incredulously horrifying sometimes I wonder if its even the same person in the mirror, in my Mr Hyde moments.
Nothing comes with
hardwork.
And yes, God.
spoke at : 3:36 AM
tsesin