lemons lemons and more lemons. I just keep drawing lemons.

Is it some form of escapism into a dimension presumably and believably happier and more peaceful than now? Is it the desire for something excitingly sour in a world where too much tries to be sweet?

hahaha. I blabber too much sometimes.

Been so busy with UOB painting that is quite demoralizing but I refuse to ponder further until necessary. CTs are in a week and it seems too bad to be true. UNLESS A MIRACLE HAPPENS (i.e. I suddenly become damn sloggy/hardworking and is simulataneously brilliant aka NotGoingToHappen), I will do well.

Nevertheless, amidst the logical, I'll still fight and die (or still fail, but not as badly) trying. wee, I am not that demoralized here.



A lot has been demoralizing of late. These few months have been rather... rocky and echo-y. So many highs, so many lows. These few months, things have gone off to where I thought would never. In other words, my world of idealism has been broken.

I feel detached, somehow. Like watching a car wreck from the sides, as a passerby. The catch is, this is my car.

I suppose I can't just, like my car-analogy, REPLACE my life by buying another. Somehow I need to salvage the pieces, place them together again. So much seems displaced though, it seems everything has been jolted.


I think I don't know my circumstance now. I feel, at the same time, braced but fearing so much of another blow. So far I've taken the ones that came - not exactly well, but acceptably okay. What if the next blows me down?

I'm thankful for my CPU peeps though. They're one great bunch, sometimes the only aspect that seems right. The workload's pouring, but I know we can do it (:



SHOOTING.
I feel so bad everytime I go back there, it seems I've benefited the club so little. I miss the people there, I can't spend as much time there as I would really want to, its... really sad. I miss everything there. The satisfaction, the highs the lows, but mostly the people.

HAIYA.
I NEED TO CHEER UP LA.

SHIRLEY YOU NEED TO CHEER UP AND TRUDGE ON.




I know what's the root of all this, but I'm being retarded and not doing anything.