I haven't blogged for so long, almost more than a month.
Everything has been happening at lightning speed swirling around me, turning me round and round and round like a directionless top. I know God has been there, I know God has been paving the way for me in many things, but I know there are many things I don't know.
Knowing.
There are so many glimmers lying just across that fence, so many stars in the night sky that call out to you. So clear, so seemingly near, yet so far. For once, the fact that once you fall beyond a line life is not in your control - is terrifying.
Trust.
It is a five letter word, yet a word I cannot seem to reach. I prayed and I knew deep down God wanted me to stay - the signs have been everywhere. I prayed that He would lead me to a path best for me, and today, or last night, my definite reality became clear to me. So clear not even a disillusion could bury it. Sometimes I wish I knew the future, or even better, just leave my future -totally- in His hands.
God has blessed me a lot here. I got through dance although they picked around 15? from 88. I got through shooting probation then the 2nd trials and is now in the team, although I've started merely a month ago. The people here are amazing, and my class is amazing. I am blessed with many things others are dying, and trying so hard, to get. Including my place here.
So, sometimes to keep a count of my blessings instead of what I want that I cannot get - sometimes maybe that, that will bring my contentment, and heart's peace.
tsesin 
spoke at : 12:54 PM