stuck in a moment that was never meant to last

this was someone's nickname that caught my attention because it was so beautifully strung together and well, hopelessly sad ):
(not that im some sadist)

well i found out from the author that it's part of a song lyric - explaining its melanchony. haha, but that't not really the point.

another reason it caught my eye, i believe, is also because ive been caught in that never ending maze once. its a terrible feeling, of being binded tightly to something that you know can never happen, and in your lows it keeps coming back to flood your mind.

and i was caught for a long long time, feeling like im just whirling around in the same torpedo that once swept me off my feet. round and round, and round and round, not moving anywhere, not getting anywhere - just staying on the same spot and twirling.

of course you don't really show it by looking like some kinda of a walking dead zombie, but you know inside your soul its just stagnant - caught up in a moment that wasn't meant to be.


BUT.
thinking back of all these make me so thankful, because i see God's HUGE hand imprint during those horrible times. He freed me from all those binds, set me free for Him and gave this light in my life. and you feel like your soul's living and breathing again, not just coldly stagnant.

of course it was a slow process, almost killingly slow- but i trust in God's timing, because it is in that slowness that i appreciate the true fleeting moments of freedom when it came.

and that slowness helped me to understand and remember how it feels so compassion sets in when you see others suffering in the same way.

and even though some days are just really hard but there's always hope, and God so solid to lean on totally when you're just so exhausted. He's moulded me a lot, and i know there's so much more to come. He's given me all good things that i have, and controls everything that's happening to me.

so im just so thankful that, no, im not caught in any moment anymore - because of Him. :)