finally there's a time to breathe. its been so..rushed and non stop action since last wed, all through the weekends and today.

there's still a great school work traffic jam, but at least ive got A LITTLE time to spare. to stop, breathe and quieten down..


haha; ive felt so lost. at night before i turn off (if i do get to sleep at normal times at all) after a whole day of junk i face an empty soul. im drained, lost and... so many other things.

quite a few ppl in wg too. and i sense my attitude backslidding and things slowly starting to go loose and out of control in my life. best thing is that sometimes i get so sad about His abscence in my life i don't feel like caring anymore and try not thinking about it. what kind of a screwed thinking is that?

went to hard rock cafe to sort of have a dinner to sort of celebrate my mom and dad's birthday this month.. and i realise how people felt when they go to pubs and such to try and fill up empty souls with loud music and that temporary high; when people scream with excitment and seem as if there's some meaning in this world to celebrate. and its just all temporary..


its so sad.. someone told me once before also that the clubbing scene's really complicated; beneath all that jazzy lights, shiny dance floors and loud music. i heard that they go either to find "love" or to fill their empty hearts.

justina feels lonely..haha maybe i shall go visit her, when i don't actually have work to do ><

sigh. and im so tired of being criticsed for almost so many things i do, or for who i am- although it may be something not really good ..like insecurity and other kinds of crap; im so tired of being passed that judgemental eye.

sometimes we cant help it? sometimes its hard for us, or painful for us. whatever it is.. im not the only one who feels this way. i know its..sort of for our own good, or the motive of that mentor is good, but... it just feels as if you're being scrutinised and judged.
and of course the feeling's not very nice.

im so tired of it. so yea. i don't want to care so much anymore (not total ignorance though) because none of us can judge another.


on a more positive note! it has thought me to be more compassionate and understanding to others. yup(:

have to learn to really trust in Him and try to let go worries, problems too..although its really hard. cause i won't be able to last any much longer with my strength at this rate.


but its so foggy..