quarrelled with my mom yesterday night, quarrelled with her again the moment i sat my butt down for breakfast.

ive to control my temper.

not like i want to quarrel, but freak, sometimes i just cant stand the way she talks so accusingly/defensively/sarcastically/sneeringly.

maybe im no better. plus ive still to control my temper.

i cant stand quarrelling, but really, im not exactly totally polite and tolerant either. and when i just cant take it anymore the things i say are...well. not exactly nice to hear. ha, infact, they're horrible to hear-leaving the person 1.seething in his/her seat 2.or extremely hurt


im not proud of it. so not proud. although yiting says she tries to follow me when she was freaking pissed and quarelling with this room mate of hers ><

she was like, "i was trying to imagine how you would react when you were freaking pissed" ha.ha.ha.yay T-T


during aep we would talk a lot while doing art, and once zijing yiting told me that im very kong bu when im angry. i'll turn very cold, and act in a way that would make the other person even more angry without doing anything violent, or without bursting out. they said my tone would be horrible, in the cold and uncaring sense, a kind of you-can-be-angry-do-you-think-i-care kinda way. and what ever i say, even if it is a normal sentence, would sound so sarcastic.

the more aggressive people'll be so darn pissed fuming and volcano-ing in their seats.
nevermind the people who are softer.


i am so not proud of it. so not.
sometimes in my fury i'll say things that i regret so much afterwards...and i'll be very guilty, esp so if the person's hurt. or if i know that what i said had hurt. the worst thing is that sometimes i'll even do it unconsciously, i wouldnt even know. and it really really sucks afterwards when i finally realise. esp when you say sth hurtful to someone you care about and you didn't even mean for it to hurt so badly.

but it came out that way. and now i cant fix it totally can i? spilled milk's spilled milk. even as i try to take back what you've said, or sort of "make-up" for it, i know very well nothing can be totally fixed. a part of the hurt'll always be there.

and how many times it has happened. to how many different people.

sigh.
ive to so watch my temper, and my tongue.


im really,really,really sorry. though i above all know a sorry doesnt help/ what more mend a wound.

still, im sorry

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