i miss a lot of people, a lot.

for some reason when i read justina's entry i missed her a lot. ha...whether she reads this or not, *hugs* -im gonna hug her the next time i see her. sigh.

miss a lot of other people too. some i wouldnt even have the chance to say this to/


so many people have been drifting away, sometimes i wonder if its because im not good enough- this deep seeded doubt that's so difficult to get rid off. and it affects a lot of things, drains a lot too.

ha...im so glad the june holidays are coming. all of us are getting tired...its so evident. weary and tired and...well just really tired. and a lot of people are all getting sick too.


i feel like crying. im not...afraid to admit that now...i guess. but i know i won't. HA:D i feel like im crapping here. but..ahh i don't know. crying probably does good..or, it REALLY does good.

last saturday after so so so long in church i finally let everything out..and to julia who was there and understood everything. and it was nice..to not try and be so strong all the time.


its so tiring trying to be strong. not that im purposely doing that to force? it out. but its just in my character i guess. sometimes i complain so much..but its just for the sake of complaining i know, and how many times do i actually breakdown mentally or emotionally?

ive to thank God for that.

but sometimes i know what i want is just understanding. like jolyn says..stimes i share not to ask for sympathy, but just the comfort of knowing that someone understands. haha...understanding. maybe its me, but most of the time i feel no one understands. except God. and maybe it is because of this that i am so, so, so grateful for His love sometimes.

and that's something not to cry about.


blabber blabber blabber. this is crappish. ha.

1047PM 15may