yesterday's second entry was not needed. so its deleted.

today was...okay i guess. i think its stress that's slowly killing me. but i won't die. i mean no one dies from school stress. its unglam.
stupid reason :D but yea, i won't break:) and hand myself over to despairing misery.


*
yes. and TODAY'S HORRIBLE BUS EXPERIENCE:

this morning was FREAKY. a totally HORRIBLE experience on the bus, when i came under scrutiny. of 3 people; and i had to survive the WHOLE journey by myself T-T

i wanted to call mindy like crap/ but u know the bus. its a microphone when u talk on the phone. :'(

and i hate that. scrutiny. i hate it i hate it i hate it. its like looking at all your flaws with a harsh eye and judging. it doesnt go well with me. i hate it like there's no tomorrow.

then i'll withdraw inside myself under scrutiny. under judgments... freak ok. i cant stand it.


maybe because i keep imagining they'll be thinking about all the bad things...but ha im sure they are. i mean, practically, what is there GOOD to talk about or consider???!


gosh. goshgoshgoshgoshgosh.

this happens one more time that person really has a horrid taste. or anyone who does that really has a terrible taste for just the most horrible.

im serious. freak ok. i hate it when people do that. i'd rather blend into the wall and not have anyone notice my existence.

i should go to school extraextraextra early tml. i don't want to see any of them. freak. im... i don't know. TRAUMATISED. haha.

sigh


anyways;
stace's nickname...veryveryvery nice(:
"Don't sweat it. God may not be done with you yet, but He loves you, and I love you just the way you are."

if only i had the courage to tell people that/


i like loving and accepting lots of people for who they are...and i don't want to judge, but understand their cause maybe? haha. ohwell:)

everyone has all their special nice points...even those quiet ones:) once people open up and start to trust, ure just amazed by their character. evelyn! for example :DD quietquiet evelyn huh. :D not so quiet now righttt *grin

accepting others is ok for me..and its a joy loving others too and being tolerant of them;
but my biggest problem is first loving myself. loving and accepting for who i am.


ha...its so inconvienient when you keep thinking you're not worthy of anyone's love or appreciation.