sometimes when the line pulses as you pause to think but you can't figure how and what to type, can't find a way to express how you feel.

pulsing


still pulsing


maybe its not because you don't know how to express, but you mind too much of how you would be perceived as others as true words flow.
so why this hesitance?

but nevertheless, i shall start-
some other time.

ah.but strength...what exactly is true strength? and how to differentiate between the real stuff and not. how to sift the ones by the thread and the ones truely holding on? how to find if a person is bleeding inside. what to do when you find it. what to do if maybe you don't want it out. what if your deepest desires contridict your actions. what if you help others because you are driven by your need. you understand the pain,and it drives you crazy when you can't do anything. that another should go through what you feel. what if you try too hard and fail. what if everything is just an illusion?

*breathes
im just so tired i don't want to care anymore.

sometimes i stand at the side and envy those who show their true self no matter the circumstance and in return get the support they need to tide over what they encountered. but its my own fault my own decision and my consequence i've to live with. sometimes though, you can't help but just envy those that don't dive into deep waters.

when you stand on the edge of a cliff. do you choose to jump to your death, or do you strive to soar.

im sitting next to sicheng in the com lab now. and just maybe i envy her for her simplistic view to life...but why does she face so much discrimination from so many people? and i thank God she doesnt know about most of them at least.. and im happy enough i can help her in some way. ha...she's easy to talk to. and she's doing some project on the com. haha just helped her make a star. looks kinda cute(:

ha life is made to be simple... everything but complicated.


maybe its just school. mindy are you pissed at me? ha i shant pretend i don't care anymore. so many times ive pretended i don't care for so many things although i know i very well do...and it helps nothing in the end. i shant be cold anymore. at least anymore than i can help.


lol...and she just drew a heart that looks really cute...and its smiling at me too. (: