someone asked today: "Why do you not hand up your homework?"

good question.


maybe its just out of pure laziness, and my habit of procrastination that i cant seem to overcome. not yet at least. maybe its because of this major habit of doing things so slowly they never get done, maybe its just that irrtating instinct to do everything late im sure many know.

after all, i still rush like some person gone crazy every morning before school.and my challenge would be to reach school before im late. and if i reach school early with no particular stress or whatsoever i feel uneasy..like something's dreadfully missing from my life. seriously, and its freaky.

maybe its all that.


but ive realised, so long before, that sometimes im just afraid to start because,well, im afraid it wouldnt turn out good enough and i'll be so sorely disappointed in myself. ever since primary school, and it's worst with subjects that i take pride in. art, for instance.i never dare to touch it beforehand. my mantality'll be: wait till another day, and i'll be able to do it better.

ironically, though, that it was non but my dad who first brought it up. and he has remained that only one. i still remember, that line so many years ago..

"You know you don't have to do till its perfectly right you know.."


at that time i refused to believe in it, dismissed it as rubbish; but sometimes its so starkingly true. i'll never forget that line that spoke of one thing, but meant a thousand more.

haha.

and it was someone so unexpected that brought up the point of being a perfectionist. another i thought never did understood me. maybe because its those that don't get distracted by my normal scope of work that get the cleanest picture. is it true?

but then again, with tricia's msn nickname: Its not the choices you made, but what you make of that choice.

and so for this;
its not what you have, its what you do with what you have. yea..haha and its easier to just spit stuff out compared to actually doing.


well ive to live with it i suppose. and make the best of it. shouldnt run away from it i suppose? but face up to the challenge. and maybe turn out to be like some over ambitious people- which isn't all a bad thing actually. they are perfectionists, and they have strong, unbendable will. i can try to be like them! :D nothing's impossible.i GUESS.



*seeker of perfection