(: TODAY'S SERVICE ROCKKED.yes no doubt...and someone pointed me straight in the right direction -all God's,yes(:

heh.i shall now proceed to do this thingy at justina's/ havent done 1 in a loOonnngg time.

What did you do in school today?
-STUPID QUESTION.does our lives really revolve ard school that much.and how tragic is that.

Who was the last who sent you an sms?
-ermmmmmm...marianne i think...

How's Life?
-diao.
anw...yea stuff's clearing out

Are you good in your studies?
-DIAO.heh heh.not really i guess

Are you a Hippie Freak?
-um so no.

Can you speak English?
-no i can only type in fluent eng i cant speak it.

Who was the last person you smsed?
-marianne

Who was the last who said "Love You"?
-good point.no one said that before.but God did(:

Who is the most Annoying Person you know?
-HMMMM.my sis

Future School/College/University?
-vjc if i can.for now la.its more arts oriented i THINK.

What time is it now?
-11.40pm - 7mins cos my com's time's fast.count yourself

What do you call yourself?
-shirley.thats a dumb question.

What song are you listening to now?
-open up the gates

How many friends do you have on Friendster?
-i abondoned friendster after e 2nd day i signed up.cos it was freaking interesting

Who are you chatting with?
-not that it matters la> all 3 not replying(thats why im doing this rite)

Are you in trouble?
-now?no la...but i'll be soon

Have you been HeartBroken before?
-yea

How many A's do you think u can get?
-as many as i deserve

Missing Someone?
-yes and so..?

What day is today?
-saturday

Any birthday's coming up? Who's ?
-nearest i can think of is aletheia's and sujah somewhere in jan

Bored?
-sorta

Can you play the card game called "speed"?
-slow down...!

Last Channel you watched on TV?
-er.i havent been watching tv for so long i cant rmb.

What time did you sleep last night?
-1

Are there Bullie(s) in your School ?
-no la.we are all nice girls and no one bullies...backstabbing's more letal

Any favourite bands? Name one of them.
-planetshakers.(:

Do you have Yahoo Messenger?
-gee who uses that

Are you a Mr/Mrs Know-It-All ?
-heh.dunno leh:D

Do Kids love you?
-i love kids! lol..

Do you make people Laugh?
-people!-ans this for me

Do you give away your secret to anyone?
-do i have? lol

Ever Smoked?
-the smoke makes me cough can

Ever Drinked?
-no.i drank red wine once and it was rather horrible

Ever got drunk?
-nope

Do you think your ugly ?
-haha.no comment

Who do you normally block online?
-people who REALLY irritate me;

Got Myspace?
-nooo.whatever that is again

Dumped Someone?
-no la

Are you Caring, Loving and Tender?
-depends

Ballet or Go-Karting?
-NOT go-karting; but i'll rather another form of dance?

Do you have any Guy Friends?
-sheesh.duh.

Do you love getting msgs at friendster?
-i abondoned friendster

How many gf's do you have?
-hehheh.ALOT:D

Are you bored of doing this
-ok la

Are you gay?
-no.

What's your fantasy?
-in my wildest wildest dreams?->ha i realise i don't know.how sad.
i just want to get to heaven when i die so i can see God..

Honestly, is there a special *someone*?
Who?
-yea; God(:
and ok,for a person..maybe yes


yay done! (:

happy new year people!

*SLAP *SLAP and *SLAP

*pours cold water*


and yes ive SO got to wake up man.
mr raj-y's right to check your baggage out of the dance room before you go in and dance;

AND since im seriously oh-so-sick of all this freaking stuff that's making me really down and empty and depressed and whatever ELSE,im checking them all out of my life.

like now now now..

its too heavy
and there are no other options..or maybe im just too tired to go exploring them.
in fact, im EXHAUSTED- ok.


so yes.
*screeches in a horribly old fashioned grandma way* OUT OUT OUT!!!!

ok im being stupid again.but.

uh huh. this life's gonna be cleaned up -and hopefully, throughly with God's marvalous magic detergent..XD LOL nvm:D so utterly creative of me :D


school's reopening anyway- for those who still havent noticed..
we'll be rubbing our faces in classroom dust again...*wonders about new people in my class

hope i won't be late again; at least not on the 1st day of school...that one a bit pathetic la.
oh you know i was late on the 1st day of school this year?so absolutely marvalous of me.

ahh ive got to WAKE UPPPPPPPPPP.(LOL like from NOW onwards and on school days:D)

-cont'd from actual point before the rubbish-
starting from actually sticking to my agreed half an hr usage of com for once.(ok i got a feeling ive already exceeded.nvm.)

*stretches*
ahhh gta go start cleaning my life. *takes toliet brush thing -cos its been quite shitty so far..


(current song true by ryan -something- which is an extremely depressing song about love.at least to me.)

to hell with this song la.
as in literally

oh this song it makes me cry

just the melody's nice

why am i so distracted today..

firstly.
grading results were out in the ninjado forum thing,and you know i go there everyday cos i have nothing better to do and i didnt realise the results were out already.

secondly.
during warm up i totally forgot..or i dunno what,that my partner's done with stretching both legs and i was even wondering why i was suppose to stretch already when my partner's not done.i actually forgot THAT.

and i realized i cant recall yayan's face.seriously,not for nuts..keeps mixing it up with trixie and theresa's face.what the.i REALLY cant recall.ohmygosh..its freaky when you try really hard but you only can conjure up this white blank...

memories gone.*puff; and just gone.

thirdly.(or fourthly..whatever)
yay i left BOTH my sticks in the toliet in jurong spring cc.and i didnt even notice until i got down the bus and was walking slowly back home.cos i was thinking why my wrist wasnt hurting.


im so freaked out...about not remembering yayan's face

i really cant remember..really cant recall...

and the thing is this is like not the only time;
its happened quite a lot of times before where i really dun get the names of things or people till its explained or shown,and those names will only sound a little familiar..like a echo in the back of my head.

and only that.

and if i voice it out..some people think im purposely being like that,and for what,fun?
right.


why am i like that..now?at fourteen??
what if one day i cannot remember the things that i treasure..
what if one day i cannot remember the people i love..
none of the faces; none of the names;
what if one day i cannot even remember my whole lifefull of memories..

what would i have..then....

what would i have

Isaiah 30:15

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy one of Lsrael,says:

"In repentence and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

30:16
You said,'No, we will flee on horses.'
Therefore you will flee!
You said,'We will ride off on swift horses.'

Therefore your pursuers will be swift!"


finally i see one true light in this darkness...
oh i can cry with joy

and so i find that ive been a horrible person all along. so purely horrid.

i want to change;
but there's guilt dragging me down.guilt and this old habit of mine.

its returning

so i realize if i don't totally turn the blame to inside of me i push it all to others.am i...that terrible a person..
that only God can truely accept me;and no one else.


and i can only whine and complain to others.

IS IT.is it..?

haha and i actually expect them to waste time for me..ha

im sitting here listening to depressing songs depressing about depressing stuff.

-and i cant stand the pain-
-and i cant make it go away-

-and now im fading away-
-im sick of this life,and i just wanna scream-
-how could this happen to me-
song lyrics;

no wonder im feeling so depressed.
deflation.pressed.

hmm...so the devil presses you down? sits on you; destroys you.


ok i just switched it off.really cant stand it anymore.

school's starting next week.i just realised.
and there's still that 1200-1500 word commonwealth essay

plus the shadow of having not done anything at all this holiday.these two months just flew pass me; and i didnt even get a whiff of it.

so much that happened.
so much that went up;
and down again.

God has been fair,He has given my fair share of talents and everything elsel; for those i am so thankful..

and now i sit and stare at my biggest struggle in my life.


discipline*

my demon in me.

jamie's nick which is so so true:

"christmas is coated with presents often hiding the greatest gift of love that it is really about"


:)

so i really wanna say; this christmas
sorry for everyone who has tolerated my nonsense for oh so long,and some even silently so.

for some reason i am extremely thankful for i suddenly realized it on the bus..how selfish ive been towards people.

specifically,certain people..
for all that,im really really sorry.
really truely.

how could i have been so blind?

and so jamie's line rings again in my head:)


shh..
and there's the biggest love of all God sent down to earth this day, so many years agao:)



merry xmas again;
xmas spirit: found :)

*tired smile


~~~~~~~~~DELETED~~~~~~~~~
cos its n.a.
cos ive made a realization; not a good one,but ah,my view's changed.



today's christmas anyway,the day Jesus died for us was BORN(:D),to give mankind a new life.

Merry Xmas though;
this song's for you- just for this xmas :)

*

cant find my xmas spirit-
well had a bumpy start; but nah nvm you can always climb up again.

cousins coming later..all 3 of them,all the way from malaysia; :)
and maybe i'll find my xmas spirit among them :)



all this snow...there's hope :)

and a merry xmas to you too

*SCREAMS*
dance camp was damn good.


yayyyy.found meaning already; changed focus..this camp was very very useful.and not to mention a lot of other exposure we got..AND omg the runthrough of (part of) the show was great la!
AHHHH i cant wait for the show le!!

and you know someone INPSPIRED me a lot in camp...when i saw that person dance i was touched...don't know why...but yes. *sighs(blissfully)


urghhhh.
i feel very...empty.i kinda know why.and so.
i need to change.
im not gonna sit here and whine again.

OHYES and i didnt know we could go submit designs for the ninjado tshirt!!! justina you know all the specifications not??

yay maybe if ive gt nothing to do i can go design a tshirt!!!

but i dunno how to use a freaking photoshop properly.


heh nvm maybe i'll figure sth out(:

ive really got nothing to do.

people are not talking to me on msn.and the person i want to talk to is out of reach.

one's SICK (mindy.)
another's just out of reach.



dance camp's starting tml!
won't be back till 22nd..n we're gna learn musical theatre,belly dancing,jazz,hiphop.
cool right!:D

gotta sleep early tonight,,our nutty instructor doesnt allow the camp programme to end before 3am.for BOTH nights.
and prepare that weird speech on soft toys.
and if there's one thing i cant stand its soft toys. sigh*



i went back to my old blog,
here
cos i missed the song there after justina's blog music really reminded me of it

LOL
still rmb when everyone was like;whoa REALLY sick of it last christmas :D
and now im getting sick of it already too.

a year's past.what happened this year?
a 2005.

ah whatever i don't want to think>

im feeling rather dry these days.


urgh someone mail me a xmas spirit..?

Turning away

What if you walk along a road
Towards your one true love
But decide to turn in tears halfway
And walk back towards that curve.

Away from your heart's one dying flame
The one you care so much
And leave it all, no turning around
For who knows where...
You just don't want to be around.

Maybe because for once,this once,
You want to break away
To stop this pain so torturing
To stop facing it everyday.

Maybe because for once, this once,
You wish not to be alone
Left outside the world you seek
Left out of your love,this stone.

That door you tried so hard to open
You claw at it everyday
But with everyday that you seek in vain,
At night, comes aflood with the pain.

You feel you are my stepping mat
Your shell outside the door
But if you will allow for it there to lie-then tell me,
How to avoid it,
And reach that door?

Can you ever understand
You who locked me out
The pain that crunches in my heart
Of never seeing my love's true self.

So from this pain you walk away
You see no point in this
You run away,leave it far behind,
To avoid yet another, demise.

So what, if I choose to turn and walk
Away from the one I love
So what, if i choose to turn my face
From the back of my one true love.




just to try..
it isnt very good,but]

gah.
nothing to do?

ahh..

ive so much to say but nothing i can explain.

mindy's out.
jolyn's out.


and when they come back,i'll be at camp.

LOL..got time go watch this:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6739710473912337648


im laughing till im crying already..

from ninjado forum..and i was as bored as to go visit and leave a post//


but that video's really funny..LOL


*breathes*

ha...ok today went out with justina to west mall!
not a very nice place la budden BETTER THAN STAYING AT HOME. and then after that went to her nice nice room(:

AND after that was blizting!(how to spell...)

pray against discouragement though..and yes i believe that velocity will go well...
and God will show just how amazing He is. (:


gah.
gta go do quiet time like now.if not it'll last till REALLY late.
like again.


lol...rmb go watch that rubbish thing if u have time..

#and pray before you sleep! (:
nites ppl

:P guess what? im feeling happy cos someone ELSE is feeling happy for SOMEONE ELSE. LOL...happiness is so :D

#you may not think i noticed but im proud of you!

jiayou!'--keeping you in prayer!--

(:
im falling in love with justina's blog music...

haha don't ask me why:) (maybe cos xmas' coming)and im even beginning to love that snow thing too..
didnt even notice it until i read the title for one of her entries; wrong weather//

now it seems so nice in a fantasyish sorta way>:)


reminds me of Perhaps Love the movie ar...
it was so nice!! after the whole show you leave with this..blunt-hollow- blow in your heart or sth.just this blow la.haha...

it was,so dramatically,romantically,tragic.


really recommand everyone to watch it its really worth it la.yes.and i dun mean the pirated version...its really worth it to catch it in a cinema.

and you can take the word of a regular-pirated-cd watcher.
yes.


go get a taste of it; let it hit your heart.
:)

~

lemme see on that day(wednesday) i went to watch 2 movies by myself -pride and prejudice and perhaps love.then rushed to ninjado.
and watching movies by yourself are nice(:

except that you get a bit lonely after a while.


grading's on sunday
im kinda...nervous. but i guess...the battle's more of the mind.in a way yea..
nvm if u dun get it..haha:)


ah well but thats it for today iguess..
and dun worry justina i cant seem to stop blogging too(:

i'll be yr companion! :D*

tata* God loves ya(:

LOL so cute;
gmail's like:

"Gmail is temporarily unavailable. Cross your fingers and try again in a few minutes. We're sorry for the inconvenience."

who says "cross your fingers and try again" :D
that web admisnistrator (man how do you spell it..) is one darn cute person...haha:)


heh:F
okays.talk about deleting those moldy msgs from yesterday; and i havent done it yet. oh freak it.im like, a day late.and those msgs still sit there and rot my heart for YET another day.

there's like; excuses: IT DOESNT MATTER JUST AS LONG AS I DUN READ IT.
but what the crap.one day i have to DELETE IT. then i'll sit and be traumatised and get over it later.yes.

deleting is CRUCIAL.

i feel like typing one of my long long winded email msgs to make things clear BUT.
hmmm.

i dunno BUT what.aiya forget it i'll figure something out later..

URGH complicated complicated. *AHHHHHHHHH*

--breathes and cools down--

planetshakers songs are veryvery nice.
yes.

ok that was random.

*thinks

maybe the solution to the crisis will just to forget EVERYTHING.surrender everything to God and yar.
be a sister in christ and care in that way?

hmmm it sounds very logical.and i think it's God's will too.so yes./
yay solved.now ive got to DO it.


meanwhile, i'll just cross my fingers and try to get into my gmail account.
lol that cute thing..

HEE 2nd entry in (ONE HR??)-a day.WOOHS im going crazy.
but nvmmm.

was reading my past entries..those in may/june05 ar,and boy do they sound different.like.more UNIQUE.

*wails* WHYYY HAVE I CHANGED.....


ok forget it.

*HITS TABLE WITH HAMMER and CLEARS THROAT*
i am going to delete moldy msgs in my inbox OKAY.
haha...like geez why am i like announcing to the world?

ok cos its kinda hard,but NEVERMIND.this will be a first step HURRAY.


then today will be a last(:


*sings*
God will help me!

back from malaysia(:
and my cousins came back from new zealand

havent seen them in at least 6 years..kinda shocked when i saw them la;
and they were talking in that accent...lol
there was this cousin,the last time i saw him he was this irritating brat that seemed to quarrel with his brother every5 mins,and like now he's like;TALLER THAN ME????!!!

ok maybe i shldnt be surprised.
everyone seems to be taller than me la can.(EXCEPT MINDY)
:D yay(:

but anyway..
MSIA FOOD ROCKS.a lot ok.

whoa i had the nicest dinner like ALLL the nice food in ONE NIGHT.hello is that bliss or what:)
food that you cant get as nice in spore:)

it was nice..
breaking away from this world and sailing into the next
where nothing of the previous one remains :)

but now im back to everything.hmm.


______________________________________


yes im going to break it all today.and surrender it to Him.
im so tired Father.
help me...cos You're the only one who can.

im really bored so yea did some quizzes,,kinda interesting..

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

this is crazy..
i mean,AFTER i quitted French?
helloo.fate's a little tough on me.but oh wow,who says i should listen to it.so i shant(:

You Are French Food

Snobby yet ubiquitous. People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

LOL..this is cute;
what's wrong with FRENCH and me? :D
what's the meaning of=>ubiquitous,anyway..

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

true or not?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

wow.ok.


urgh.im getting bored of this..
WHAT TO DO AT HOME??!!


someone save me

feel like crying for you.

the misery.
the walls around.
that heart of flesh hardened to stone.
the hurt unspoken;desperately hidden.
the hurt torturing you.
tearing you..
and all on the inside,from the inside.

i feel like crying for you.
but i can only pray.

is what you are going to do a sign from above?
is it symbolic?

it all boils down to faith,
and this is a testing of my faith.


i will have faith.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

lol...yay!

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

*whistles -whoa i sure sound freaky..am i like that? lol..

Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold. You're full of passion and energy... Sometimes this passion has a dark side. You feel most alive when you're seducing someone. You never fail to get someone's attention. Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!

heh-ok this is weird.
*reflects



yesterday,he left
and i commit him into Your hands.
only Yours.

what to do when you can see someone drowning, yet you can only watch.
when you want to reach out to give a helping hand
but you just can't reach
no matter how hard you try..
when you're at the edge of human limitations

but God,He triumphs over all
one day the torn will mend
the broken pieced together again
the hollow filled
for what can He not do

so now i shall watch
and pray
that one day you will rest again
in the arms of your first love

and when that day comes
i'll hug you when you reach the bank
welcome you with tears
and together we shall celebrate in His glory
and His love
His shelter against lies

one day

____________________________________


ha.i need help myself.
sheesh.


ohwell.hmm.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:18

plans for the dance production in jan 20&21(fri n sat) '06 are really stimmering

*SCREAMS* ohman so cool(:

preorder tickets from me! haha...7.30pm at nanyang auditorium,tickets at $12.and it'll last 1hr 1min 09secs (our teacher calculated) if everything goes well-it'll be non-stop dancing and solid:)


_________________________________


aiya geez i can't stand the lyrics of Behind These Hazel Eyes.nevermind shouldnt be complaining since no one asked me to listen to it..

ohwell.


so cute the ninjado association people made a forum for us! lol..so funny..;

there'll be a lot of dance practises..*stretches
looking forward to it! haha..hope it'll be fun(:

pray that i can be excused for the velocity performance...AHHh



HEH u know what i think i better stop typing or u'll all be reading extremely lame and nonsensible stuff cos im not feeling very thought-coherent right now.

feeling a little little crazy..
crazily happy:)